The 3 Best Pieces of Advice for a New Mom
There is No Right Way, Just Your Way
You won’t know how you will feel, act, and be as a mother until it happens. I thought that I would be a calm, collected, and confident mother, which definitely didn’t happen, and which I am striving for daily as my little girl enters into her sixth month of life.
I couldn’t properly prepare myself for that moment when I got home from the hospital, exhausted and in a daze, asking myself, “What am I supposed to do with this new little human in my house?”
Before I knew it, I found myself Googling every little question I had: “how much sleep does a 2 month old need?”, “sample 4 month old sleep schedule”, “how much spit up is normal?” while my little girl slept on my chest. I become obsessed with every little question and ensuring that I found the “right” answer.
I quickly discovered that there is an explosion of articles, books, and blogs written by so-called “experts”, that make being a new mom completely overwhelming and exhausting. For my girl’s first few months, I was convinced that I wasn’t doing something right because my baby wasn’t following the routine or schedule that the “experts” said was necessary for healthy development.
On top of the explosion of information, there are also the opinions and advice from loving family and friends who want to help and support you. Some of it was helpful, while others were not.
However, there were 3 general pieces of advices that I received from friends on new motherhood that I continually come back to. I want to share them with you in case they also resonate with you.
1) Do Whatever Works Best for You
Just as each of our babies is different and unique, so is each mother. Some moms want to spend time with other moms at the café, while others want to stay at home and go on neighborhood walks. Neither is right, or wrong. I fall in the latter camp, and for my first few months of motherhood, I felt guilty that I didn’t want to go to town, until I realized that I really enjoyed being home and going for walks in the forest nearby. No shame!
This piece of advice also relates to how you raise your baby and later your child. The biggest battle that I see among mothers at this age (5 months) is the sleep training or no sleep training discussion. Again, it is up to you. Whatever works for you, is best for you.
Another friend recently reminded me of the quote from Theodore Roosevelt:
“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
Motherhood is not the time to care about what others think. You must do it your way, unapologetically.
2) Let Go
Let go of all the expectations and need for control. This has been a challenging lesson for me, as I am a Type-A to-do list kind of gal. I led myself to believe that I could create a schedule for my little girl, only to see it change the next day. It was a futile exercise. While it may work for your baby, it didn’t work for this one.
So, I had to learn the tough way to let go of all control. Every day and every second is going to be different.
Rather than become frustrated, or worse, feel like a failed mother, I chose to see it as a great, unfolding adventure that I was on, never knowing what was going to come next.
3) Prioritize Your Own Happiness & Well-being
Prioritizing yourself can feel impossible when you have a baby pretty much connected to your body for the first few months. But, if you can get some support for even just 5 minutes, it will make all the difference. Do what you need to do to feel like yourself again- whatever that looks like. For some, it is crafting, while for others it is soaking in a bath or practicing a short yoga class. Like the famous saying goes:
“A happy mom makes a happy baby.”
The bottom line: Do motherhood your way. Get to know your baby- they are all different. There is no single recipe. And most importantly, take care of yourself and enjoy the ride!
