The 3 Words Parents Should Say to Their Kids When They Want to Talk
Do your best to resist the need to fix it.
There is this belief that to be an effective parent you have to fix and solve every problem, and the faster you solve it the better. This leads to immediate reassurance the minute our kids come to us with any type of self-doubt or problem.
Observing my own actions as a parent I saw how quickly I would reassure my kids, in particular my daughter. For example, she would come to me afraid or nervous before a soccer game and say, “I’m so nervous about my game.” I would immediately respond, “Don’t be nervous!” This was quickly followed by words of encouragement letting her know how amazing I think she is. Everything I said was rooted in good intentions.
I wanted to reassure her and let her know she’s more than capable of handling the game, and I was going to be right there to support her. I would argue my response was pretty similar to what you would say if your child came to you with the same statement.
The problem was, I wasn’t listening. She didn’t ask a question. She didn’t say, “Should I be nervous about the game?” She came to me and said, “I am nervous.” My need to take her out of an uncomfortable space didn’t allow her to fully express herself.
