Vacations With my Kids are a Sleep Nightmare
But maybe there’s something worth appreciating beneath the exhaustion.
This is not something I tell most moms, especially those outside my innermost circle: my kids are great sleepers.
They have their moments, of course, from the occasional bad dream or fever to an overly full diaper, to a random need to confirm my existence in the middle of the night. But by some combination of their natural temperament and my rigid adherence to sleep schedules when they were infants, they can be counted on to sleep soundly and uninterruptedly more nights than not.
And then we leave home and it all falls apart. Consistent bedtimes? Good luck! Ability to sleep without a parent sharing your bed? You must be joking! Making it through the night without a good 4am chitchat with Mom or Dad? That’s absurd!
I’m all over the map when it comes to spirituality, but having kids has convinced me that there must be some sort of cosmic scale that ensures the universe stays in balance. The child who manages to avoid every kindergarten plague from September through April brings home lice in May. The game of Hair Salon that buys parents so many peaceful minutes of email and social media scrolling suddenly incorporates real scissors the night before school portraits. And on and on.
For our family, it seems enviable sleep at home must have a counterpart, lest we get too smug about our parenting abilities. That translates to my husband and me sleeping with one child each, on rotation since we’re outnumbered, every night of our vacation, and resorting to shameful bribes to get anyone into bed in the first place. We also endure middle-of-the-night kicks, head butting, blanket theft, and sweaty closeness, depending on the child, as well as the aforementioned 4 am wake-ups to discuss important topics such as what our cat might be doing right now back at home. (Probably sleeping! Why don’t you try it??)
Most parents I know are adherents to “vacation rules” of some kind. This usually means screen time has fewer (or no) limits, dessert after every meal is the norm, and bedtimes and nap times are more flexible. I have no idea how our children became the dictators of vacation rules when it comes to their sleep, but clearly, my husband and I need to reassert some sort of control.
Or perhaps not. After all, these bad habits have so far not followed us home from our trips, and it’s simply unrealistic and disrespectful of those around us to draw a hard line and endure a deafening hotel-room or guestroom tantrum (or three) when all of us are worn out from a day of swimming, sightseeing or plane travel.
I’m also acutely aware that we don’t have very many vacations ahead of us before at least one of our kids begins to assert tween or pre-tween independence from Mom and Dad and would rather sleep in the bathtub than with one of us. These nighttime antics are their way of keeping us close in an unfamiliar setting, and there is something incredibly sweet and fleeting about that, exhausting as it may be.
We recently took our one planned vacation of the summer. The days were action-packed and lovely, and the nights were action-packed and unpleasant. But once we returned home, my husband and I were back in our own shared, child-free bed and the universe had reclaimed its balance, so really, it could have been worse.
If we have to make a tradeoff, I’ll take tired as a family over well-rested alone almost any day of the week. And anyway, the grins in the trip photos help hide the dark circles.
