What My Miscarriages Taught Me
The journey to motherhood was painful and traumatic but full of valuable lessons.
I experienced 2 miscarriages before giving birth to my boy. He is now 3 years old, will be 4 by June.
The miscarriages I suffered caused huge heartbreak for me and my husband as we never anticipated them.
We never expected this kind of crisis because we both had ourselves screened for everything before we planned our pregnancy. I wanted to make sure to get diagnosed and treated for any issues that would interfere with a healthy pregnancy.
Everything was perfectly fine, all reports were absolutely normal. My husband and I had no health issues that needed to be addressed.
Despite taking such careful steps, I suffered 2 miscarriages.
Maybe we just need to leave certain things to nature and not overthink them.
The grief of a miscarriage cannot be put into words but I learned some life lessons, and at least a part of these may be useful for people who are dealing with some similar tough situations.
Take a break
If you are desperate for a child and have tried an infinite number of treatments and nothing seems to fall in place, pause for a while.
Stop doing what you are doing right now, go on a vacation or visit your near and dear.
I am not suggesting you run away from a difficult situation but just press that pause button.
After a break, you will feel rejuvenated and filled with hope.
My doctor repeatedly told me this after my miscarriages and I followed her advice.
Trust your instincts
My second miscarriage was a missed miscarriage.
When I went for a check-up in my 11th week of pregnancy, the doctor couldn’t detect the heartbeat in doppler. She brushed it off saying that occasionally a doppler fails to detect a heartbeat in the early months. I asked for an ultrasound scan. She suggested there was no need for that.
I insisted. My gut said something was wrong. I trusted my instincts.
My instincts stopped my uterus from getting infected. Ultrasound detected the absence of a heartbeat. I was immediately admitted for a D&C procedure.
Sometimes your mind gives you signals even when the body doesn’t. Trust your inner voice.
Don’t Google
We are so used to using Google for every little thing. I am no different. It is very handy for acquiring information. But, sometimes, I go overboard.
It was my third pregnancy. I had a minor complication around 20 weeks. My doctor assured me that it should resolve by itself around 24 weeks. The next scan would be in 4 weeks.
Waiting was very stressful.
I panicked. I Googled. I panicked more.
Almost every piece of information I found on the search engine said that the condition I had would result either in miscarriage or premature birth. I was horrified but didn’t stop myself from reaching out to Google.
At 24 weeks, the complication I had, auto-resolved as assured by the doctor.
I was mad at myself. That is when I stopped reading reports and searching online for what it meant.
My parents had no access to such information when they were in their 20s and 30s. Their pregnancy and delivery were peaceful because they trusted their doctor, not Google.
Limit Googling about your health issues. It will do more harm than good.
Join support groups
Whether you are a new mom, to-be mom, or a pregnant woman, join support groups in your area.
Meeting someone who is in the same boat as you will give you immense courage and happiness. I am sure many of you might know there will be classes for expecting moms and their partners. You and your partner will start forming a beautiful bond with your child, also with each other.
When ideas are shared, awareness is amplified.
Filter information
It may sound counterintuitive, but don’t believe in every idea shared by others.
Check how credible the information is and how reliable a person is. Always speak to your doctor before trying anything new.
Someone suggested that I take palm jaggery during pregnancy. As I had sweet cravings, I thought of it as a very good alternative to sugar-based foods. But when I asked my doctor she said that jaggery also has a high glycemic index, just as sugar, and may result in gestational diabetes.
Shut your ears or shut them up
People tend to give loads of unsolicited advice especially when you are trying to get pregnant. Do this, Do that, should haves, could haves, and whatnot. Just ignore or ask them politely to stop it. Tell them that you know what you are doing.
People often tend to taunt and even crack jokes without understanding the depth of a situation. They lack empathy.
Don’t let them mess with your mind. Don’t give them too much weightage in your life. Such people are just passing clouds.
Lastly, all I want to say is having kids is a beautiful experience. Enjoy the journey.
The following lines are just my perspective.
If a person has no children, it doesn’t mean they are incomplete. A person does not always need someone else to feel complete. Society compels us to think like that. A person is defined by his character, not by his marriage or relationships or having children or not having children.
I have often heard some people saying that those individuals who have no children lack sensitivity which I believe is absolute NON-SENSE.
There is a world and a life beyond pregnancy and motherhood. Lets us be aware of that. Let us respect that.
A mother is anyone who cares, loves, and nurtures other living beings, not just the person who gives birth.
