You Don’t Have to be a Frustrated Leader
A simple question can make all the difference
You’ve been here before. You have a direct report, or a teammate who just isn’t pulling their weight. It feels like the same thing over and over again: missed deadlines, poor performance, some sort of behavior that drags down the team. I’ve been there; I know the feeling well.
It’s frustrating, isn’t it? You want them to succeed, of course! You know that if they can just get these things in order, everyone will be grateful and your team will get a boost. You’ll get a boost too. Instead of constantly following up over the same issues, you can finally free that space for more important work and conversations.
We all want the same thing: less problems, better performance, more thriving. And yet if the same problems keep happening, why do we so infrequently try new tactics?
Maybe the process feels familiar. Your direct report misses a deadline. You remind them about the policy and let them know the infraction is going to be added to their file. A couple months later, the same thing happens. Ding. They get another write up. You finally resort to reminding them the day before to try to help.
This reminder system works, but it isn’t the solution. Your job isn’t to remind them about deadlines; they already know the deadlines! The problem with reminders is that you start doing the job for them. The problem with penalties is that they aren’t usually sufficient motivation to create change. If reminders aren’t the solution, and penalties don’t change anything, what do we do?
The answer lies in a simple question: “How can I help?”
This question seems so simple, and it might seem like a version of the reminder system where you end up doing the job for them. But the two tactics couldn’t be further apart. “How can I help?” shifts the focus from the problem to the solution. You aren’t managing the problem anymore; you’re helping lead toward an alternative.
The power in this question lies in the mindset shift. It’s a move toward development instead of results. Now, don’t get me wrong, results matter. But when you care more about development, the results come naturally. And what do you have to lose? The old system wasn’t getting results anyway!
When you ask, “How can I help?” you position yourself as an ally. You become part of the solution. When you do this, everyone wins. You help your team find creative solutions to their problems and the problems end up actually getting solved!
Think of yourself like a coach. Good coaches don’t try to play the game for the players. They teach the players the systems, they help them develop the skills they need to win, and then they unleash them to do what they’ve trained to do.
Leading like a coach is more fulfilling for you and gives more freedom to your team. Instead of putting the effort into managing deadlines and enforcing policies, you get to put your energy into developing your team to thrive and go above and beyond what you expected.
So start thinking like a coach. Ask, “How can I help?” Stop trying to manage results and start focusing on developing your team. You’ve got this.
