THE NARRATIVE ARC
A Little Distance Goes a Long Way
Orbiting the solar system of parenthood
I just came back from spending four days with my nineteen-year-old daughter. We met in Arizona, a quick flight for both of us, to stay in my mother’s ‘winter house.’ At 83, my mom still travels from Chicago to Arizona every winter to beat the Chicago cold. She’s in great shape, both cognitively and physically, and I felt grateful to be sandwiched between my mother and daughter for a few days in the sun.
When I invited my daughter and her roommate to join me in Arizona for their spring break from college in Colorado, I didn’t think they’d say yes. And, even after they said yes, I was nervous. I worried that my daughter and I would fall into old patterns — I would want more, she would want less — and the trip would be a bust.
But from the beginning when I picked the girls up from the airport I was totally surprised. My daughter was light and playful and accommodating. And I, maybe because my own mother was present, was more easygoing myself. I gave my daughter lots of space (most of the time) and let her come to me. This was the fourth time I’ve seen my daughter since she went to college nine months ago — once at college, twice for vacations home, and this time in a neutral place.
