PRIDE MONTH
Demisexual: Why I Didn’t Know My Sexual Orientation Until My 40s
Life in the gray
It happened to me countless times in my 20s. We’d be at a bar and one of my girlfriends would whisper “Oh my God, he’s hot!” I’d look over and see someone conventionally attractive. No question, a good-looking guy.
But I’d feel nothing.
All my life I’ve had crushes on guys and felt romantic attraction, so I assumed I was a garden-variety heterosexual.
But I was also a little different. Unlike my friends, I didn’t have that immediate physical attraction to people. That “Who’s that!?” sense of potential and need. I’d watch my friends spot a guy and immediately stand straighter, eyes wide, smile wider, trying to get his attention. I had no idea what they were thinking.
I’d assume my friend just felt a need for attention and validation. Surely you can’t develop an attraction that quickly?
And then there’s flirting. So many people love it, but I didn’t get it. A guy would try to engage me in witty banter and more often than not I’d wind up getting annoyed. It was all so awkward and often felt way too intimate, too quickly.
I’d chalk these things up to the fact that I’m an introvert and the sensitive type. Overt…
