THE NARRATIVE ARC
My Self-Image Doesn’t Match What I See in the Mirror
I have body dysmorphia
I look in the mirror; it’s as if I’m looking into a funhouse mirror that distorts my appearance. I appear bigger and wider than I am, and I know this is due to years of fat-shaming and fatphobia. No matter what I do, I still can’t see things as they are, but how my mind twists them to be.
The fat lady doesn’t sing but stares at me from my own eyes.
I’m not a slender woman or even average, but what I see is three times my actual size. I’ve lost weight, but my body image hasn’t caught up. I recently got some new clothes in my regular size and was confused why they were all too big.
Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) is a mental health issue and one I suffer from. My brother teased me about my weight before I was ever overweight, and my mother was overly critical of my body. I tried not to take their jabs to heart but failed. Now, those taunts are material for my critical inner voice.
A major cause of BDD is when someone is bullied or teased relentlessly, creating feelings in the victim of shame, fear, and not being good enough. This fits my experience perfectly.
For some people, their BDD is expressed in constantly working out, having a ton of…
