THE NARRATIVE ARC
The Heartbreak of Childlessness and the Realization of Joy
I’ve gotten my mom fix in other ways
“Mothers process differently. It’s a ‘mama’s heart’ thing,” said Maria. The other women at the table nodded slowly. A mama’s heart. Okay, then. So much for spending my thirty-minute teacher’s lunch in the shared space. Clearly, I didn’t belong. I couldn’t have kids.
Was I excluded from the “mama’s heart” club?
I picked up my lunch sack and scooted out of there. I wasn’t going to sit around and pretend to belong. And anyway, I had sixty more children to work with that day — and every day of the week.
Pragmatically speaking, as a teacher, I wasn’t missing out on fun with the younger set. Truth be told, it was bliss to go to my childless home after eight hours with busy teenagers.
My years as a teacher and stepparent gave me a fresh perspective on my inability to have children.
Of course, it was miserable during the childbearing years when I was trying to have babies. I’m from Oregon, but I lived overseas for several years. My pregnancies in Phnom Penh were stunningly unsuccessful, and I nearly died in 1997 from a ruptured ectopic pregnancy.
