Member-only story
A FAMILY’S MEMOIR
Unraveling the Mystery About My Father
Following the trail of broken hearts he left behind
Who was this man who was my father?
It’s a question that has plagued me my entire life. He vanished when I was two years old and I always wondered who he was — and where he was. Would he ever come back? What happened to him after he left us?
I only had the stories I heard from my mom and my sisters and they weren’t very flattering. And of course, they ended when he disappeared.
He was a wanderer. He couldn’t stay in one place for any length of time. He was also a two-bit criminal. Fraud, embezzlement, and car theft were all part of his M.O. He was in jail when I was born. Since they’d already used up his monthly visits they had to wait another week for the end of the month before my mom could tell him he had a son and to introduce us.
By that time my mom and my two older sisters were used to packing up and moving house and home every few months. He would simply vanish. He never told anyone that he was leaving or where he was going. And he never did anything to ensure we would be taken care of while he was away. He often left us penniless and facing eviction.
When he didn’t show up after a day or two my mom and my sisters had to start packing up again and would have to crash at the homes of extended family and friends. It was humiliating for my mom and devastating for my sisters. They lived in twenty-six different homes while they were growing up.
Eventually, he came back and acted like there was nothing wrong. He and my mom fought but my mother who was kind, forgiving, and ever the good Catholic always took him back. Divorce was not an option. It was when he left for the last time that my mom found out about his secret life.
There were some personal letters addressed to her with some shocking information. One day as my mom was packing up some things to get rid of, she handed me the packet of letters. “You should have these.” I was already in my mid-thirties so I guess she…
