Why I’m Not the Avid Reader My Personality Type is Supposed to Be
No Bookworm I
I have all the marks of a classic bookworm. Shy, introverted, loner, history-lover homebody writer person. So why do I only read a few books a year and generally find reading books to be a chore?
I’ve never loved reading books.
I never read with a flashlight under the covers past bedtime. I don’t have memories of favorite dog-eared books from my childhood. I’ve rarely ever read any book more than once. And I could not possibly care less about the way books smell!
I’ve considered several reasons for my non-love of books over the years, and one struck me for the first time when I read this article written by Jared Bouchard:
I realized that I feel guilty when I’m in the middle of reading a book that I’m just not enjoying and the desire to abandon it starts percolating in my brain. A book is a commitment.
You make your choice, you read about the book: reviews, and comments on Amazon or Goodreads, and then you decide it will be worth your time. You get the book and settle in for a good read.
Then, after a few chapters, you realize this book just isn’t doing it for you after all. In fact, it’s downright boring. But quitting? That would seem like a personal failure.
I rarely quit movies in the middle either, but it’s not all that difficult to stick with a bad movie for an hour more until it’s over. But finishing an entire book that you’re not enjoying could take days. Days of boredom. Days of something that almost feels like work.
But in my stubborn refusal to quit, sometimes I lie to myself. I “delay” continuing a boring book, telling myself I’m “taking a break” but I will finish it.
Then the book sits, leering at me from my nightstand, driving me slowly mad as I keep trying to convince myself “I’ll get back to it, maybe tomorrow… “
As I think about my reasons for my lifelong troubled relationship with books, I can identify the following in addition to the shame of leaving a book unfinished.
Snuggle Up with a Good Book?
Maybe other people can do this, but I have always found reading to be physically uncomfortable. Though I was born a little past the halfway point of the 20th century, I think I was designed to be a 21st-century cellphone-in-bed person.
As a child, when I read, I read in bed. And I still do. I’ve never been content to sit up and read. For reasons I don’t understand, I like to read lying on my back.
The problem is that this isn’t the most comfortable position to read in for extended periods. Ebooks make it a little better because when you use a device for ebooks, every “book” is the same size, shape, and weight.
But “real” books can create different problems. Big, heavy hardcovers can do a workout on your arms. Flimsy paperbacks can be harder to read because of their tendency to not open fully, casting shadows on the words near the inner margin, and they tend to be “slippery.”
If I had a dime for every paperback that’s landed on my face in the middle of a sentence…. Neck pain, shoulder pain, and even headache can also accompany lengthy reading sessions.
Just One More Page
I refuse to end a reading session in the middle of a page. Ideally, I like to end at the end of a chapter, though occasionally I will settle for the end of a page that ends at the end of a sentence. It makes sense to be in the habit of doing this I guess, but I obsess over it to the point that it makes reading books difficult.
When I find myself getting tired, physically uncomfortable, or just wanting to do something else, I stop reading momentarily to check the number of pages left to the end of the chapter. If there are quite a lot, I get annoyed.
This is a prime example of how reading can feel like a chore.
Can’t Sit Still
I have a wildly active mind. It jumps from one thing to another rapidly. Reading a book takes time. I can watch movies because that only takes two hours or less.
But even movies were a problem when I was younger. I was a “watch checker” in movie theaters as a kid, even if I was enjoying the movie. I absorb movies now, at least three a week, but I’m still reluctant to watch any that have a run time of more than two hours.
I also learned in college that I am a kinetic learner. This basically means that I learn by doing, but I think it also means that my brain works best when I’m moving.
I’ve always been a pacer; not in a nervous way, but just because pacing helps me think. When a book gets to a part that’s fascinating, I want to put it down, get up, and start thinking about it, which interrupts my reading. Then, sometimes, I don’t get back to it because I’m suddenly off doing something else.
When I do read, I read non-fiction much more often than fiction. Because it takes so long to finish a book, I feel that I’m better off giving that time to the pursuit of education about something that really happened, rather than some made-up story.
Those I can get in a 90-minute movie. I do like cozy mysteries, H.P. Lovecraft, and the Harry Potter books. Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings and related books are the only books I’ve ever read multiple times — and that includes The Silmarillion, which is not what you’d call a light read. And I do believe that in almost all cases, the book is better than the movie. But watching the movie is easier.
