THE NARRATIVE ARC

Would I Make the Same Decision if I Knew My Mother Would Get Dementia?

She might have died if I had not intervened, but I second-guessed my actions

My mother’s 100th birthday cake. Photo by author

It was three days after Christmas and the day of my father-in-law’s funeral. He died on Christmas Eve, my mother got sick the same day, and after a feeble attempt to observe Christmas for the sake of the grandkids, we gave up and drove from Atlanta to Virginia for his Celebration of Life service.

My mother, who lived 45 minutes from my father-in-law, assured me her cough was nothing and she would meet us at the funeral. She and my father-in-law had remained friends following the death of their spouses.

But she never showed up. Throughout the service, I scanned the pews, half expecting to see her push through the heavy wooden doors of the church and join us.

Afterwards, anxious about her absence, I called her.

“I’m fine. You head back to Atlanta and don’t worry about me,” she said. “It’s just a cough.”

My family’s plan was to drive from the funeral in Virginia back home to Atlanta, but at the last minute, weighed down by a sense of foreboding, I announced to my spouse, “I’m not going. I’m driving to Mama’s.” He ended up…