DSA Weekly, Letters to the Editor, of the Future
In this week’s piece, we take a break from speculation about the past to bring you blatant speculation from the future.
Note: This is a shitpost, not based in fact except the places it clearly is.
Our crack team of researchers here at the National Razor has fed the entire corpus of DSA twitter through an ML black box, and here are the results. Any resemblance to real world people is purely coincidental, as these are things clearly written in the future.
Dear Editor,
It pains me to learn that DSA has adopted ASL applause instead of normal applause. My ego just does not get the same boost as hearing that thunderous, unavoidable, painful, glorious noise. Without it, how will we be able to know if our motion passed from the bathroom? With just ASL applause, I feel discriminated against because I don’t speak ASL.
Yours Faithfully,
Chapo Jacobin, DSA Normal People’s Caucus
Dear Editor,
It pains me to see this blog is under new management. I knew the previous authors for almost a decade! I demand you take action on these points:
DSA refuses to allow law enforcement officers membership. They’ve been some of our greatest organizers here in Austin, and I think we’re selling ourselves short by not including them. DSA should not make the mistake they did with Danny, and you should run more stories about police unions and organizing
The US is falling behind China’s economy. We must do something! We must! Please continue the previous series on how we must compete with China, so as to further inform me on a subject I cannot get enough of.
Some parts of DSA don’t like electoral work. We’ve got “Democrat” in the name, why aren’t we devoting ourselves to electoral work? Why didn’t 100% of elected delegates democratically vote to keep ties to Our Revolution like they should have? I think people need to be more informed on that
Speaking of electoral work, how are we going to get anything done if we vocally oppose Israel’s occupation of it’s market interests in Palestine?
Thank you for your time,
Matt Smith, DSA North Star
Dear Editor,
I have noticed a startling tendency within DSA. Some chapters don’t work on Medicare for All canvasing at all! This is an outrage, how dare they try to help people in the immediate term instead of work towards some nebulous goal of a non-reformist reformist revolution! We must build a base by looping all of the working class into our canvassing structure! Please, have more articles like those in Jacobin.
Faithfully Yours,
Matthew Stewart, DSA Bread and Roses
Dear Editor,
This isn’t a question, more of a comment. To the letter to the editor in your previous edition, I take offense to your offense at the idea of action outside of Medicare for All. I, as a dual card Red Guard, think we should not be involved in ANY WORK WHATSOEVER, including Medicare for All, or direct action of any sort other than showing up to protests. Anything else is pure revisionism.
With Comradely Regards,
Redacted
Obviously, with just four pulls of the lever, we can’t get a representative sample of DSA, but while our MLM (Machine Learning Machine) cools down, its good to reflect on these Four Futures of the DSA Weekly Letters to the Editor
