I’m Good But I’m Not THAT Good
When I look back at my teenage years through to my early thirties, I am shocked at how lacking in confidence I was. I can still remember countless examples of when self-doubt and insecurity got the better of me. I remember being 15 years old and too anxious to get a train to Cornwall for fear I wouldn’t be able to work out how to open the train door and get off at the right place. I remember being 18 years old and too scared to go up to the bar to order a drink when out with my Dad in a pub. I remember being convinced at 21 years old, that I would never get into Law School nor pass any subsequent law exam (this was after graduating from Oxford). I remember waiting for years in my thirties for the moment when some lofty soul at PA Consulting would come and tell me that the decision to recruit me had been a mistake and that I should now leave. I remember being terrified of doing a presentation, not because of the presentation but because I wouldn’t know how to set up the projector and laptop. I could go on…. Suffice it to say, I struggled with a lack of confidence, professional and personal, for a long, long time in ways that many would now marvel at.
Despite appearances (which in my case, I am told, indicate profound self-confidence), there are still areas where I experience self-doubt. Yes, I too have my own deep-seated vulnerabilities like most human beings, and a particular predisposition to feeling these quite acutely at times. For the most part, however, these are largely confined to the personal rather than professional realm these days. In my working life, I am confident that I am good — in fact really good (eek! That still feels hard!) at what I do and clear about the value I bring to my clients.
And yet, my friends, this is not always sufficient to have the desired impact on an individual, team or organisation! Yes — get ready for the big announcement — it’s not all about me! And the effectiveness of a coaching intervention is not all about the brilliance of the change agent! And no, I am not a sorceress or magician!
I took a blissful holiday towards the end of the summer to the Ionian island of Ithaca, most famous for its association with Greek mythology as the reported home of the adventurer Odysseus. For this reason, I had saved the recent novel ‘Circe’ by Madeline Miller to read while I was there, Odysseus and Circe having allegedly had a relationship at some point in time. I studied Greek and Latin at ‘A’ level and have always loved the stories of the Gods and Goddesses of ancient Greece. I am also an unapologetic feminist. So the modern re-telling of the myth of Circe appealed to me.
Circe was the daughter of Helios, the God of the Sun. She was considered to be a witch who had the power to cast spells and transform the form of those around her. As a result of admitting her witchcraft, Circe was exiled by Zeus — the King of the Gods — to solitary confinement on an island where she lived for many years, accompanied only by her mythic lion. At various times she was visited by travelling men, many of whom tried to take advantage of a Goddess living alone. Odysseus and his men were among these. To protect herself, she would cast spells upon the men and turn them into animals — most notably pigs — keeping them in a pen, and thereby herself safe.
Now, don’t worry! I have no delusions of Goddess grandeur (they surely always knew how to get off a train and ask for a drink at the bar!!) nor any aspiration to turn men into swine. My point is more about the nature of change and what enables it to happen, and the occasionally unrealistic expectations of those that hire coaches / consultants. The truth is that the extent to which any single coaching or consulting intervention can succeed, is not only down to the skill and commitment of the change agent. The other critical — arguably more critical — determinant of success is the motivation of the individual or team in question. Without their ‘leaning into the process’ change will not happen. While other factors, such as the timing of the intervention, the degree of sponsorship of the intervention, the clarity and transparency of contracting and the ‘fit’ between client and coach, are important too, the readiness and receptiveness of the coachee (individual or group) is the most important.
The funny thing is the coach can also fall into a similar trap, choosing to believe that they themselves are in fact magicians, and are capable of turning water into wine (if not men into pigs). The ancient Greeks used the term ‘hubris’ to describe excessive pride or self-confidence, often associated with mortal heroes who believed themselves to have God-like powers. Hubris would typically lead to their downfall. As coaches we must not fall into that trap, but rather should have the humility and integrity to speak out in situations that are not yet ripe or ready for change. This may mean walking away from the work. Or it may mean working alongside the client to enable more of the factors needed to facilitate success before proceeding more directly with the selected change intervention.
How does Circe’s story ends? I don’t want to spoil it for you — read this absolutely brilliant book. But put it this way; Goddess powers, as it turns out, are not all they are cracked up to be. Maybe the same goes for us coaches. We may be good. But we’re not THAT good.
