Small is Beautiful: The Power of ‘Yes’ and ‘No’
‘Yes’ and ‘No’:- two little words that don’t necessarily stand out that much. They don’t take up much space on the page. They don’t take much time to speak. They are not lead protagonists in a dictionary or thesaurus. But boy oh boy, do they pack a punch, indicating as they do either consent, agreement, openness and engagement on the one hand. Or refusal, denial, disagreement and a boundary of some kind on the other.
I remember being on a holistic holiday on the Island of Skyros about ten years ago, in a shady area in the sweltering Greek summer, participating in a workshop that was exploring my relationship with these two words, what they meant to me and my relative levels of comfort with each. It was eye-opening, moving and powerful and has stayed with me all this time. So much richness of understanding was unearthed in my exploration of those two little words; issues of longing and belonging, of habitual patterns and preferences around pleasing or upsetting others, of giving and receiving and so much more.
I also remember even further back in 1999, being given some advice as I was about to set off to live and work in Romania. I was going to be living with a Romanian family for three months, while training teams in methods of working with juvenile offenders while also trying to lobby prison governors and members of the judiciary in the merits of community penalties for the same group. I was employed as a Probation Officer in London at the time and had been successful in securing a secondment to Romania as part of a Department for International Development (DfiD) partnership project with the Romanian Ministry of Justice. I had never been to Romania before. At that point, I spoke no Romanian and had no real clue about what it was going to be like, other than that it was going to be very different to what I was used to. A member of the leadership team gave me one single piece of advice. He told me; “Say yes to everything, no matter what it is or how strange it sounds to you”. It was the best piece of advice I was given at the time, and one I have never forgotten since. I have no doubt it helped me engage with that adventure in a way that helped it become the life changing experience that it did over the two years that emerged from that initial three month secondment.
But of course, there is also the vital importance of the great counterpart to our friend called ‘Yes’. And that is our other powerful and influential friend called ‘No’; the great guardian angel that protects us from harm, the custodian of what we will not tolerate, that signals a line of difference or disagreement that may mean us standing out but standing true. That two-letter word embodies the treasured territory of boundaries that enables us to take care of ourselves and defend ourselves against those things that do not serve us or the values we hold.
I was reflecting on all of this on New Year’s Eve as I thought about the year ahead. On one page, I wrote a huge YES in the centre and thought about all the people, relationships, work projects and experiences that I wanted to welcome into my life in 2023. On another, I wrote a huge NO and wrote down those things, people, relationships, work projects and experiences I wanted to distance or protect myself from. Saying ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ are active choices. They are important choices. Sometimes, the choice feels easeful and smooth. Sometimes it’s a bumpy road. We should choose wisely.
Happy New Year to you!
