Another kind of reunification
For 65 years, Korea has been broken, split down the middle by the jagged line of the demilitarized zone. One people, one language, one culture has become two completely different worlds. You could almost say the North and the South went through a nasty divorce.
But is reunification really beyond all hope? Some would say yes… however, there are a few happy couples who would beg to differ.
One of the most interesting phenomena about the Korean conflict is the culture shock North Koreans face when they defect to the South. The transition is such a major change that all defectors go through a three month resettlement training at Hanawon facility. There, they learn about language, technology, employment, society, and daily life tasks. Of course, when they arrive, most of them don’t know how to use the Internet, ride the bus, or even how to make choices for themselves. In North Korea, the government assigns you a role and a place in society — suddenly having freedom of choice can be extremely overwhelming for defectors as they adapt to their new lives.
Another obstacle towards integration of refugees is mental health. Anyone who goes through traumatic experiences will have those images and emotions burned into their memory, and many North Koreans have seen people starving to death in the streets, attended public executions, and experienced manipulation and abuse at the hands of their tyrannous government. A study in 2005 found that nearly a third of defectors had PTSD, and another survey found that more than half suffer from anxiety or depression. Even more tragically, the suicide rate amongst North Korean defectors is a staggering 15%, which is triple the South Korean national suicide rate (already one of the world’s highest). After escaping hell on earth, they’re forever separated from their family, friends, hometown, and way of life. You can take the defector out of North Korea, but you can’t take North Korea out of the defector.
With all these challenges separating North and South Koreans, it might seem impossible for the two cultures to ever truly understand each other again. But actually, inter-Korean marriage is not unheard of. There‘s an old Korean proverb that men from the south are handsome and women from the north are beautiful, and one woman actually got inspired and created a matchmaking service for South Korean men and North Korean women. This seems to be a popular combination, because women from the north are looking for financial stability which a southern man can often provide. On the other hand, some southern men struggle to find the right woman which may prompt them to use a matchmaking service to meet northern women. North Korean women are also seen as desirable because they are traditional yet capable. Choi Young-hee, the company’s founder (who happens to be a defector herself), says that she’s brought together over 500 married couples.
On the other hand, it is rarer, but some South Korean women have fallen for North Korean men too. The photographer Eric Lafforgue shot engagement photos for this beautiful young couple and commented, “It is acceptable for South Korean men to marry North Korean women in an emotional distress — dating agencies abound in this niche — but a South Korean girl who flirts with a North Korean defector? That’s a whole other story in this very conservative society.”
But the tides are changing. In 2015, Seoul held a mass wedding for defectors which involved one hundred couples. Sixty couples were North Korean, 10 couples were inter-Korean marriages and the other defectors married spouses of different nationalities. For many, it was not only a celebration of love, but a symbolic marriage of cultures that have been in conflict for so long.
A different couple brought together by Choi Young-hee’s matchmaking service summed up their thoughts in an interview with CNN.
The North Korean defector said CNN could not air her picture or reveal her name, fearing that Pyongyang would punish her remaining family in the North.
But she does have a message to share with CNN’s viewers and readers.
“From the bottom of my heart, I really hope for reunification,” she says.
“We talk about this all the time,” says her husband, who has never met her extended family. “Visiting her hometown after reunification.”
The North Korean defector says her marriage shows that despite the political differences and years of warlike disputes between the two nations, there is hope for a peaceful peninsula.
“There may be differences with the policies and institutions of the two countries. But we’re all the same people, right? We’re the same people.”
Whether the two Koreas will ever reunite after their lengthy divorce remains to be seen. There are infinite political, social, and financial factors to take into consideration. But in a small way, these love stories are a glimmer of hope, showing that there are Koreans on both sides who still believe.
