CONCACAF: A World Cup Story
Like horns over the Serengeti as a young Simba is raised to the heavens of Pride Rock, they signal the return of the quadrennial Hunger Games that is the Concacaf Final Round of World Cup Qualifying. The Hexagonal or “Hex” as it’s called in the region is the meeting of the six best teams from the previous round. Yes there are rounds in Concacaf Qualifying, five rounds to be exact. The earlier rounds do not matter for real and you’ll see why later. Generally speaking the 5th round is made up of the four best teams in the region (US, Mexico, Honduras and Costa Rica), a continental team (usually El Salvador, Panama or Guatemala), and a rotation between islands Jamaica or Trinidad & Tobago. This year our Hex is USA, Mexico, Honduras, Costa Rica, Panama and Trinidad & Tobago. Each team plays the other home and away in a round robin format. Some of the fields are carpets, others are a junkyard. It’s CONCACAF.
How They Got Here:
United States (Entered in Round 4): In usual United States fashion they started slow, got scored on, and had the talking heads convince the fans that there was a crisis. The eternal Carlos Ruiz had himself a game versus the US and the Yanks sat third after three games. Then, the switch was flicked, workouts on the return legs against Guatemala, Saint Vincent and his Grenadines and The Trini to the tune of 14–0. It was light work and typical behaviors.
Mexico (Entered in Round 4): They conceded one goal in 6 games. So yea, they played really really good ball.
Costa Rica (Entered in Round 4): Real blue collar wins out of the Ticos in round four. No losses, five wins and a draw. Real cagey affairs with Haiti, but the pace merchants were swept aside in the end. Usual rival Panama seems to be on a downward trend in relevancy, more on them later.
Honduras (Entered in Round 4): Mans had 1 point after 3 games. Then they remembered they had 2/3 at home in the return legs. They play their matches at like 3pm; it’s a whole 90 motherfucking degrees outside. Two back to back wins and a draw at the former fortress known as Estadio Azteca in Mexico City saw Los Catrachos squeak by the Canadians into the second qualification spot.
Trinidad & Tobago (Entered in Round 4): They didn’t lose a game until they got sexed by the USMNT in the final match. They did score six vs. Saint Vincent; don’t recall them doing anything else of note.
Panama (Entered in round 4): Started slow winning one, drawing one, and losing one. Panama turned it up at the half way point, with wins against both Haiti and Jamaica before losing again to Costa Rica. What could be worrying is the almost conceded as many goals as they scored in the group.
All of the round 4 entrants advanced to the Hex. Shocking.
What They Did Last Time:
United States: Started slow, got scored on and had the talking heads convince the fans there was a crisis. Got a much needed win in the Snow Clasico vs. Costa Rica on the way to topping the group and confirming their spot in the 2014 World Cup.
Mexico: Spent most of the Hex not winning games and being overall terrible. If not for the generosity and overall lack of having time for the nonsense by the USMNT, Mexico would not have qualified for the last World Cup. Saint Zusi day is still celebrated in Tijuana.
Costa Rica: The second best team in the region last cycle. Workmen who were really upset they agreed to play a game in a blizzard so they pulled out all the stops in beating the US on home soil, and Joel Campbell went full scallywag hoe late in the match to get Matt Besler and undeserved yellow.
Honduras: Remember, when I said it’s hot as hell? It was still hot as hell in 2014 and they played well at home per usual. They were average on the road. Did beat Mexico on the road, but Mexico were awful as previously discussed.
Trinidad & Tobago: This was Jamaica’s cycle so Trinidad was not there. Jamaica was pathetic.
Panama: Was not much better than Jamaica.
Predictions:
- USA
- Mexico
- Costa Rica
- Honduras
- Panama
- Trinidad & Tobago
