EURO 2016: The Winners & The Losers

Euro 2016 provided the ups, the downs, the laughs, the cries, and the splendor that we expected it would. This was the first time in European Championship history that twenty-four teams were included in the field; a jump from the sixteen teams who qualified in tournaments past. The final, pitting host nation and heavy favorites France against Portugal was deadlocked at 0–0 until the 109th minute when Swansea City’s 8437475th string striker, Eder scored the winner for the Portuguese by fending Arsenal boy Laurent HOEscielny off his coattail and striking from 25 yards out. Even more fascinating, Portugal was without arguably the world’s best player in Cristiano Ronaldo, who sustained an injury in the 8th minute and would ultimately be subbed out of the match before the twenty minute mark. Here are the winners, the losers, and some of the best moments from Euro 2016.

Winner: Iceland The whole damn country! The Cinderella story of this tournament, Iceland is the smallest nation to have ever qualified for a major soccer tournament. They made it all the way to the quarterfinal where France rained out five goals on their heads, even eliminating the Premier League All-Star team aka England along their journey in Euro 2016. Even if we don’t see Iceland in a major tournament for another fifty years, we’ll never forget the Viking Clap.

Winner: Moussa Sissoko (FRA) Newcastle, where Sissoko plays his club football was relegated out of the Premier League this past season. Sissoko has already made it clear that he has no intention of spending time in the second tier of English football and he sure did play like he meant it. He seized the opportunity to showcase his talents on the world stage, his blistering runs at the defense created chances for the French throughout the entire tournament. While Newcastle’s rumored thirty-five million pound price tag may be in question, whether or not Sissoko earned a move back into a major league is certainly not.

Winner: Renato Sanches (POR) Sanches played in all but one of Portugal’s seven matches en route to their first ever European championship but it was his impact in the three games that he started in the knockout phase that his influence was truly felt. Sanches’ relentless in the Portuguese midfield both going forward as well as defensively provided a spark for a team that had failed to impress for much of the tournament. Days before the start of Euro 2016, Bayern Munich announced the signing of Sanches’ from Benfica for thirty-five million Euros and his play for the national team are early signs that Bayern will have a star and workhorse in midfield for years to come.

Winner: Samuel Umtiti (FRA) Like Sanches, it was announced that Umtiti would be transferring clubs before the tournament started, moving from Ligue One club Lyon to world renowned FC Barcelona. In a time when elite center-backs are moving for nearly twice what Barcelona will pay for Umtiti’s services. For just twenty-five million euros, Umtiti was already being seen as the best value signing of the summer. In his three starts for France at EURO 2016, Umtiti managed to compile a whopping 95 percent pass completion record and averaged 1.3 interceptions per game. With lessons from Barcelona defensive legends Gerard Pique and Javier Mascherano to come, look for Umtiti to become one of the best at the position in the coming years.

Winner: Graziano Pelle (ITA) While Pelle did impress with his performances in France over the past month, he could have sat the bench every single game and I would’ve listed him as a winner. Why, you ask? Pelle has agreed to join Chinese club Shandong Luneng from Southampton of the English Premier League, a deal that will make him the third highest paid player in all of world football behind only Cristiano Ronaldo and Leo Messi. Cue: Young Dolph’s “Get Paid”.

Winner: Gabor Kiraly (HUN) Hungary unexpectedly won their group but that’s not what this is about, this isn’t about sport. Who said you can’t wear sweatpants to work? This is a victory for lazy boys everywhere.

Loser: Union of European Football Associations UEFA for short. As mentioned, this was the first time the field in this tournament was increased to twenty-four teams, an increase of fifty percent. This change allowed eventual champion Portugal to advance to the knockout stage without recording a single win in their three group stage matches. Whereas under the previous format, Portugal’s third place finish in Group F would have seen them eliminated from the tournament and Cristiano would have been Crying MJ’d. Day’s end, I understand that the expansion of the tournament field bulks up UEFA’s bottom line but the quality of their product suffered. Hell, I fell asleep on at least two games during the knockout stage. UEFA has said that the 24 team format will be back for Euro 2020 so we better be prepared for next go ‘round when Germany pummel Georgia 12–1.

Loser: England Boy o boy. Where do I start? The nation responsible for inventing the sport; the smelly mandem; the Premier League all-stars. For years we’ve seen England take some of the best individual talent to these tournaments and continue to fail to gel as a team. GK Joe Hart had more defensive errors (2) than any other player in the tournament. Harry Kane scored zero goals and dished out zero assists on ten shots and nine failed crosses. Wayne Rooney and the midfield go together like chocolate and onions. England have a problem throughout their football association. From the managerial staff to the players, it’s a mess that won’t be sorted out anytime soon. It will take a blunder such as not qualifying for a major tournament to make England fix England.

Loser: Romelu Lukaku (BEL) Coming off a strong individual campaign for Everton, the big blob of hold-up play, Lukaku was thought to be one of the best forwards available during this summer’s transfer window. Everton had slapped a 50 million pound price tag onto Lukaku, and most (including myself) thought it was justified given his performance over the past year. Wrong! Lukaku scored just two goals in his five appearances for Belgium during Euro 2016, each of which he started. His tactical inflexibility is an issue in an era where we see less managers opt for tall, stronger forwards like Lukaku who do much of their work facing away from goal. As a result of his poor showing in Paris, I look for Lukaku to be stuck at Everton for yet another season of mid-table misery.

Loser: Thomas Müller (GER) My guy wouldn’t know what a goal was if it ran up on him and requested a fade. Müller continued his poor form at this competition, this being his second trip to the European Championship and he has still failed to register a goal. We know he can score goals as he has registered upwards of twenty goals in each of the past 4 seasons for Bayern Munich, as well as scoring five goals at each of the previous two World Cups. What it comes down to for Code Programmer face is form. Müller has hit a poor run of form at the wrong time which is perhaps why the semi-finals is as far as he advanced in the Champions League with Munich and for his country in Euro 2016.

Loser: Andre Gomes (POR) With offers ranging from Barcelona, Manchester City, Real Madrid, and Manchester United, most looked for Gomes to ascend and use this tournament to show the same brilliance that he has the past two years for Valencia FC. Instead, he flopped…horribly. Having started the three group stage games he essentially played himself out of the Starting Eleven with poor passes and shitty positioning. Now that sixty-five million Valencia is asking for is looking funny in the light.