Sincerely, Stacks
Vol. 1
Dear Stacks,
Now that Paris Saint-Germain have been eliminated from the Champions League, where do we go from here?
Signed,
Perturbed in Paris
Dear Perturbed in Paris,
Can I be really real for a second? (BE REALLY REAL SON!) THAT NIGGA TRIED TO KILL MY FATHER! Nah, but for real, WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU PSG! Well, that’s a lie. Outside of Paris, we begrudgingly had hoped you had learned from last years #TheBockel against Barcelona and would make a statement against Real Madrid. If anything, this years Round of 16 capitulation was worse than last years (Debatable). You mean to tell me €500M~ gets spent and all you have to show for it are two lucky rebound goals against what? The third best team in Spain?
Anywho, that’s all in the past. Seeing as how PSG have already won the Trophée des Champions, currently have a pretty good lead on Monaco in the league, are in the Coupe de France semis, and have made the Coupe de la Ligue final; the first order of business is to wrap up the domestic quad. Second order of business, fire Unai Emery. We all thought that if there was anyone who could take PSG to the heights they aspired to reach, it was the man who lead Sevilla to three straight Europa League titles. We thought wrong. Man was playing sexy football against wine makers, but parallel parking buses against the European big boys. Tapas Diego Simeone.
Third order of business, get you a manager that knows some proper tactics. I’m hearing Nasser Al-Khelaïfi wants Mo Pochettino or Tony Conte to manage next season. FOR WHAT? It’s the same shit! Pochettino just got hoe’d by The Old Lady as if he ain’t have two away goals and a 1–0 lead at the crib. Conte has no ideas outside of his stale ass formation and doesn’t develop players. At least Pochettino can coach some tactics into them boys, but why would they listen to him when every single player has a medal cabinet bigger than his? They’re also kicking the tires on Carlo Ancelotti and André Villas-Boas? First off, wow at Carlo. Just wow. Secondly, André is #Ard and he has the preparation about him, but I mean of the current crop of Portuguese managers, you shortlist him? Hmph. Lol. Man, just pluck Jardim from Monaco. He plays true attacking football and knows how to get the best out of Donatello which will be useful because…
…he last order of business is to sell Neymar (and pals). Let me tell you, as a Barcelona fan, I dealt with son for four years. The last two, was agitating for this move that he finally got. It’s only year one of his stint at PSG and he’s already ready to Samba with Marcelo. Just send him. Make sure you get the extra big bag for him though. I need a Real Madrid fire sale too honestly (That’s another discussion for another time). Don’t send him back, we doing mighty fine without him. Don’t send him to City, I don’t need to be reminded of what could have been with the Gabriel Jesus and Danilo links. Bayern don’t need him cus he’d throw off their whole pay scale. United don’t need him cus he’d be surplus to requirements. Just send him to the Bernabéu. While you’re at it, sell the rest of the Brazukes. Thiago Silva is the worst captain. At least Sergio Ramos makes up for being a ripe dickhead by being clutch. Thiago is almost always the least composed in that backline. Dani Alves gotta go cus he old and stealing wages. Marquinhos…he can stay. He’s alright.
To be honest, there’s more to do, but I just wanted to highlight what I find are your most pressing needs. I promise you, you follow this and you’ll be getting slapped up by Barcelona in the CL semis instead of the quarters. Trust me habibi.
Sincerely,
Stacks Breadup
