The Old People’s Guide to Pokemon Go
Within 24 hours of its July 6th release, Pokemon Go became an international phenomenon. Enter any park in any city in the US and you will see teens and adults alike walking around with their faces in their phones trying to capture characters in a virtual world.
Most older people remember the Pokemon craze from the 90’s but with the release of Pokemon Go the phenom has returned and taken it to the next level. This guide should help people understand everything from Pokestops, Lures, Battling, and why younger people are asking their Uber drivers to slow down on the highway to catch that rare Magmar.
As I did with my “Old People’s Guide to DJ Khaled,” I will walk through phrases and concepts that relate to Pokemon Go so you old folks can get with it.
Background — For 10 years Nintendo resisted bringing their classic games like Mario, Zelda, and Pokemon to other devices like the iPhone and Android. Instead you had to buy the Nintendo product (Gameboy, Gamecube, Wii, etc) to play those titles.
Over the past two years there have been hints that Nintendo was changing their tune and considering bringing their titles to mobile devices. Pokemon was the first to drop and since it has been the only thing anyone can talk about.
The concept is simple, instead of moving a character around a virtual world like most games work, Pokemon Go would layer the virtual world around the physical world and make you have to physically walk to locations in the virtual world to find the Pokemon.
The two things that Pokemon Go absolutely nailed were something called AR (or augmented reality) and making people exercise by having to walk around to find Pokemon. Let’s jump into it.
AR (or Augmented Reality) — This is technology that makes virtual things (such as Pokemon) appear as though they are really there. What Pokemon Go has done so well is make the Pokemon appear in everyday situations so that finding them is almost as fun and enjoyable as catching them.
Exercise — It isn’t a coincidence that the search term “5km to miles” has skyrocketed since Pokemon Go has come out. Pokemon Go doesn’t let you sit back at home and play the game, you need to get out there and walk around to find Pokemon, collect items to improve your situation, and battle other players. The funniest meme going around is how much good Pokemon Go is doing for childhood obesity in America.
Pokemon — I assume most people know what a Pokemon is but if you don’t and are too afraid to ask, I’ll help. Pokemon is short for Pocket Monster. The concept of Pokemon is that humans known as “Trainers” catch and train these pocket monsters to battle each other for sport. It is legalized virtual animal fighting.
Pokestops — Pokemon Go turns real-world landmarks (ranging from famous parks to your local latex store — thanks East Village!) into things called Pokestops. When you are in Pokemon Go and walk up to a Pokestop you can spin a circle thing (hard to understand unless you do it) and get some goodies like pokeballs (to throw at Pokemon to catch them), potions (to revive Pokemon that get beat up in battle), and more. Pokestops are all over and you are lucky if you live on top of one or near one because then you can be lazy.
Lure Module — A little more complex, but let’s go right in. You set up a Lure Module at a Pokestop. Lures let you attract Pokemon to that location. You also can let other people benefit from the Lure you set up (and also benefit yourself from other people setting up Lures). Lures are a great way to make friends, but also to get robbed. Look for lots of retail locations to set up Lures to attract customers to their stores this summer. Sort of genius if you think about it.
Gyms — In Pokemon Go if you would like to battle and gain experience you can do so by going to the Gym. Firstly, you need to get to level 5 or above (you gain levels by catching Pokemon, Battling and traveling to Pokestops). Once there you pick your team (I’ll get to that in a bit). Gyms are strategically placed at various places but found a lot at Churches, Synagogues, and Mosques. There are other locations like parks, the White House, and the Pentagon.
Eggs — One of the things players do in Pokemon Go is incubate and hatch eggs. This lets you grow your own Pokemon. The catch is that you need to walk either 2km, 5km, or 10km to incubate them. This leads back to exercise.
Candy — One of the classic parts of Pokemon is evolving Pokemon. For example, you catch a Zubat, a popular and common Pokemon character. The goal is to evolve the Zubat into a Golbat so it is stronger and you can win more battles. To do this you need CANDY! To get Candy you need to catch more Zubats (or hatch them from eggs). You can transfer the duplicates back to the Professor (don’t worry about the Professor). But Candy is important in growing your little virtual creatures.
Team Mystic (Blue) / Team Valor (Red) / Team Instinct (Yellow) — Once you hit level 5 in Pokemon you get to choose which team you want to be apart of. The implications are that each Gym is “run” by a team and if you are on a different team and stumble upon them you can battle to take it over. So for example, if you are on the best team, Team Mystic, and pass a Gym and see that the losers on Team “I Stink” (the proper pronunciation of Team Instinct) run the Gym you can challenge them for ownership of the Gym. For basic understanding of Pokemon Go you don’t need to know all the intricacies of how Gyms or Teams fully work to come off as passable.
Pokecoins — This is how The Pokemon Company is going to make billions. You buy pokecoins to buy things like Lures, Pokeballs, Incense (haven’t really gone through it but they are like Lures that follow you, less social and more selfish), more room in your backpack, and other goodies. The Pokemon Company is printing money right now and good for them; they built a great game.
Location and Night vs Day — A really cool thing about Pokemon Go is that different types of Pokemon can be found in different locations. For example, water-type Pokemon are found near water. Others will be found in the open country vs the city. Another aspect is day vs. night. Some Pokemon can only be found during a specific time of day. Traveling around and playing in the day and night ensures finding different types.
Some Funny Memes
Now that you are a Pokemon Master, let’s end this with a bunch of funny Pokemon memes. Go and catch em all!
