Who better than Mother Nature to put some freak in your Cupid’s bow? This Valentine’s day, break free of boring Homo sapien dating rituals and woo your sweetie, wild-style.* Just hit print, break out the scissors, and put those opposable thumbs to work.
*David Attenborough voice-over not included.
Male birds of paradise use their extraordinary plumage and perform elaborate dances to woo the ladies. Be sure to warm up first though, because nothing ruins sexy times quite like a blown hammie.
Male foxes are referred to as dogs, tods, or reynards; female foxes are called vixens. You probably learned this in elementary school, and it’s okay to pretend that you never forgot it.
Beavers pairs mate for life, unless one of them dies. And there’s nothing quite as sad as a lonely beaver.
Male giraffes investigate a potential partner’s fertility by tasting her urine, so send this Valentine if you’d like a sip.
Male manatees treat each other right, kissing muzzles above water before tumbling to the bottom for some good old fashioned porkin’, lasting 4-8 times that of hetero couplings.