Therapy and Endometriosis
It really helped.
My first session with my therapist since my surgery and between giant sobs , I got a lot of positivity and strength from my therapist’s words.
Highly edited excerpts from my conversation, mainly to serve as a reminder to myself when am engulfed by despair.
Me : Why me? Why did endometriosis have to strike me? I take such good care of myself. Heck, I play badminton four times a week ! And do Ashtanga yoga. Why me then? I don’t even binge drink or smoke. WHY ME?
<Longer , more uncontrollable sobs and indecipherable words in between>
My counselor : Its because you took such good care of yourself that you were able to withstand the surgery, make a decision to fly back home to your parents where you know you would be cared for. Its because you stayed on top of your health that your post surgery recovery has been phenomenal.
<sobs become lighter, words more comprehensible>
Me : I am so ANGRY. I am ANGRY at everything. Friends sharing stupid duck-faced selfies on Instagram and never once asking me how I am doing, are a TRIGGER. So is anyone making innocuous remarks such as “Why did you need surgery? Couldn’t medicines have solved it?” or
“It could be lifestyle related.”
“You work too hard. You shouldn’t work too hard.”
I am ANGRY at people. Mostly because they do not care about what I am going through, and are making judgements about WHY something happened to me. And I am reacting. I react with stone cold silence or a quick retort.
My counselor : Yes. You are angry. Its hard to know what you are angry about, sometimes. And that’s OKAY. Sometimes people are just too self involved to ask about their friends or they don’t know how to react in such situations, or what to say. Its okay for you to be angry or resentful about it.
<sobs become more muffled, words become sentences>
Me : I started a doodle project to chronicle my journey. I want to write about this. I want to write about having or not having a uterus, and why it is okay to make my voice heard.
My counselor: Yes, that’s a very positive way of coping with this change. You are doing all you can to stay positive and creatively channel your energies.
Note : I dont mean to trivialize my counseling session with this short summary of my conversation. We spoke about a lot of things, and therapy has been a very valuable part of my life , and more so now, when shit really has hit the ceiling. I cannot underscore the positivity and self reflection it has channeled for me. This conversation is just a short snippet. My wonderful counselor is my rock.