Losing the key

The clock struck eleven.

“Navya, you better sleep early” whispered her mother

For Navya, the looming darkness, hours before the wedding, was the darkest of all the nights. When the clock strikes again, the same time next day, she knew, she won’t get to sleep next to her mother.

The showering rain and the poised sound of the water droplets hitting on her roof dragged her ten years back in time.

The Air conditioner, her drenched skirt and the showering rain was all she could think of until she heard that voice on the speaker. It was her school annual day and it was the chief guest on the mic.

“I had stomach full of dosas at your school canteen”, he announced

A silent murmurous giggle went on among the crowd. It was obvious about the quality of dosas they serve at the canteen.

He went on giving a speech that she still holds close to her heart, she knew it all word by word, it was all written on her diary. She put on the reading lamp, took out the diary and began to read it all, one more time.

When I was a kid, my parents insisted on me to be the top of the class. Being an obedient kid, I did what they asked. I had my ups and downs, but I was pretty much successful at everything I had my eyes on. I was the top at the school, admitted to a college that people only dream of, secured a job with hefty pay check, co-founded a successful startup, had an astounding track record on stock trading portfolio and married to the love of my life.

Despite all this, I once asked myself if I was happy. However convincing it might be, I knew that the answer was no. I had everything I wanted, yet I was unhappy. Once I realised this, I pivoted my thought process to look for the secret of happiness. Only happiness, not success. Years down the road, I finally got the hang of it.

Let’s assume that one day, your beloved principal here, decides to impose very strict rules on you. Let’s say, he declares every Saturday as full working day, extends all your daily classes up until five in the evening, replaces all your play time period with horrible maths lecturers.

How would this make you feel? This preposterous act of your principal would make you mad. It is outright torture. You suffer, you cry and eventually you become unhappy. But do you realize who was responsible for all this unhappiness?

If you say, it is because of your principal, you are certainly wrong. If you think you are right, if you think your principal took away your happiness, I am asking you all, point blank, why did you let him do it?

Your happiness, your unhappiness, all rest in the actions of your principal. He decides your happiness. He decides what you feel, what you think, what you do and eventually, one way or the other, he decides what you are. Is this not a slavery?

I never knew of any slavery so brutal than this. We lock all the doors to the happiness and hand over the keys to the people around us. We can’t expect us to be completely happy, when the key to our happiness resides on other person’s hands.

Next time when you eat dosas at your school canteen, keep the keys to yourself. Do not let the chef steal your keys. I must say he is very good. I almost lost mine today.

The crowed erupted in laughter.

Always remember this, at any circumstances, do not ever lose the key. It’s the only way to stay happy.

From that moment on, Navya, every minute of her life, lived with this idea. She never let any external situations affect her inner happiness. Bad grades, credit card statements, hair loss, government policies, BMI, unpaid debts, had hard time to take a toll on her. She was indifferent to all the external happenings.

And it all came crashing down when she got engaged four months ago. It always bothered her, the whole concept of marriage directly contradicted with her idea to happiness.

How can two people commit to a relationship, dependent on each other, can stay happy, when the secret of happiness is to be independent?, she asked herself on the night after the marriage.

Although she loved him, it always irked her that she was dependent now. It was all unlike of her. He feels sick, she stays up all the night looking after him. He goes out on a business trip, she misses him. He skipped the dinner, she didn’t feel like eating. He drops a female colleague to her home from office, she feels possessive.

Six months in to the marriage, she realised she had lost the key.

And a couple of months later, her grandmother died. She wept out a huge cry when she saw her dead grandmother on the casket. The whole family mourned. All except one, her grandfather. He was the man of steel, he stood his ground next to her dead wife receiving all the condolences without a single shed of tear. Nobody was shocked. They were just sad for him.

Two days later, Navya went to pick her grandfather for dinner. He was sitting on his bedroom couch, his eyes closed, holding a photo frame on his hands. She chose to wait near the doorway. The charismatic person she ever knew, the control freak of the family, the audacious man of steel, broke down with tears and let out a huge cry, gently touching his wife on the photo frame. It was their wedding picture.

He didn’t show up for dinner that day. When Navya came back, she could only wonder if she will end up like him. She couldn’t get around the fact that a man as ambitious as her grandfather can break down like a child.

“Every damn person in our life, every one of them, is going to hurt us and we are going to suffer for it. But it’s all up to us, to choose the right one who is worth suffering for. For all that’s worth it, I know I chose mine wisely”, her grandfather told when she left for her home that evening.

When Navya reached her home that day, she realised it was all worth it. All the anger, fights, insecurities and countless other things that arise when people get married, she was ready to face them all. She knew it is all worth it for the love.

Two years later, she wasn’t shocked when she heard her grandfather passed away. He was ill for a long time. She knew he longed to be let gone of. When every one of the family was sobbing, she was secretly glad, that he will finally get to meet his beloved wife after a long time.

Later that night, she found herself in her room sleeping next to her husband.

The clock struck eleven. It started raining outside. The poised rhythm of mild rain shower kept her awake that night. It has been very long since she read her diary. She decided to read it for one last time, it was time to let go of that speech. She was happy this way, she realised she no longer needed that idea of happiness.

“Navya, you better sleep early” whispered her husband.

She went on reading just like she would for the first time ignoring his husband,

“Always remember this, at any circumstances, do not ever lose the key. It’s the only way to stay happy”, she read last sentence aloud for one last time.

When she finished reading it, she notice an unfamiliar writing at the end of the speech.

It read, “Life is all about losing the key”

And under it, she recognised the signature. It was her grandfather.