Three NFL draft day moves we would all love to see

…Not

Consensus first overall pick, Myles Garrett, wondering why nobody is trying to save him from browns purgatory.

With the 2017 NFL Draft fast-approaching, it’s time to look at some of the whacky moves, trades and picks we’re all looking forward to. The free agency period is coming to close (even though there are still a few big names out there) and as a result the big picture is starting to become clearer.

Here are three huge moves to look for on draft day.

The Patriots continue to dominate the league on all fronts, acquire first overall draft pick from Cleveland.

There’s been a common thread that has run through NFL drafts for as long as I remember: The Browns always find a way to mess it up. In this theoretical paradigm, the Browns continue this trend and get overly aggressive trading for their QB of the future. Brady has put the league on notice, claiming he plans to play for another half-decade. This makes Jimmy G more than expendable.

Bill Belichek is clearly ecstatic with New England’s off season.

As a result, the Patriots culminate what will be known as the most productive offseason in NFL history. They will have signed the best CB on the market, acquired the best WR that Brady has played with since Randy Moss, resigned key pieces of their defence, and drafted THE best player on either side of the ball in this year’s draft — Myles Garrett.

The Jets take their millionth flier on a QB early in the draft.

Another year, another disappointing QB room for the New York Jets. Fitzmagic has fled town after robbing the team last year, Bryce Petty and Christian Hackenberg litter the room with inexperience and Geno Smith decided to continue his NFL in Metlife Stadium… with the Giants.

Deshaun Watson when asked how many wins he expects the Jets to win this year.

After having drawn comparisons to an all-time great (that doesn’t even play the same sport), Deshaun Watson is anything but high-profile. Chiming in with another writer of ours, Alan Shaw, I also agree that this pick screams Jets. With needs all over the field and the sixth overall pick in this year’s draft, Gang Green will thrust another young and inexperienced quarterback into the hell storm that is the New York media.

Cleveland proves a bunch of writers at NFL.com right for once

Again, we are living in the same dimension wherein the Browns screw the pooch and blow their first overall draft pick on their supposed QB of the future. I know this is incredibly difficult to imagine, but stay with me.

Since it’s clear that the Browns war room knows absolutely nothing about football, they look to NFL.com mock drafts this year. Alike the Jets, the Browns have needs all over the field. But who could possibly look past the obvious choice at #12 overall for a team that has forfeited their first overall draft choice to New England. I’ll give you a hint, they coached him at the Senior Bowl and he is very high in vitamin C. O.J. Howard. The Browns look past all the gaping holes in their team and draft a player, who is a monster, to replace their diamond in the rough turned diamond in the bust — Gary Barnidge.

Everyone is so happy and carefree until they are drafted by the Browns.

After a long and arduous run of terrible draft choices and decisions from the Jets and the Browns, we can all expect more of the same. After losing a first rounder last year, trading one away this year, and not having a second rounder either — the Pats continue to half the off season of their dreams despite efforts to stunt their progress from the right and honourable Roger Goodell.

Aaron Lieberman is a cofounder of The Ocho, as well as our satire editor. You can catch him (almost) every week on The Ocho Podcast on Monday nights with fellow cofounder Riley Nicklaus Evans. Follow Aaron on Twitter at @aliebs93.