Immersion Blender Wins “Best Appliance”; Toaster is Outraged

AFTER A 30 YEAR REIGN, THE TOASTER HAS FINALLY BEEN UNSEATED.

In the 50th annual Appliance Awards, the immersion blender won the prestigious “Best Appliance” award, going to the best overall appliance in the house.

It was the blender’s first time taking home the award.

“We blenders have always been seen as a secondary appliance,” said the Cuisinart, who accepted the award on behalf of the blenders. “Now, it’s our time to rise!”

The Cuisinart called for all blenders to “raise their blades” in an effort to acknowledge blenders who’ve come before — notably the Osterizer, who was tragically discontinued — and to pave the way for continued blender liberation.

The toasters, meanwhile, were fuming. One was seen backstage burning a piece of toast while others were in solemn contemplation over the defeat. “I guess we got lazy?” said one, who remained anonymous.

The blender and toaster were the top nominees, with the rice cooker as this year’s dark horse.