Is marketing really just dating?

The startling similarities between the dating world and the advertising industry

You have to court a customer, play to their desires and show off your best features. You flirt with them until they like you and pay attention to you. Then you let them see a bit more, you uncover your true personality and hope to god they fall in love with you. And when they do, you don’t ever let them feel overlooked, you make sure they feel special, because if you don’t, you know it’s only a matter of time until another brand comes round and teases them with a better offer.

And when you think about it, there are actually quite a lot of occurrences that translate between dating and marketing — from the awkward first date, to the madly in love to the regret-ridden break-up.

Online match-making —

Even before I meet you I think about you. I read your profile and try to figure out what your likely desires and behaviours are. I try and match my own online presence to yours and define how to motivate you to engage with me. I make myself look as good as I can, choosing my best photograph to make me look fun and charming.

In dating this is my profile, I write about myself, sure, but I tailor what I say to what I think you want to hear. In marketing…well, it’s kind of the same.

First impressions —

First to actually find you — I go to places I think you will be, I strut my stuff and talk louder than usual about the incredibly altruistic activities I do in my spare time.

Then, when I see you, I try to catch your gaze, giggling, smiling, doing my absolute utmost to try and make the perfect first impression. And when your eyes flick on me just for a second, I’ll do anything I can to impress you with my charm and steal your attention completely.

We finally get talking and I talk about cooking, because I saw in your profile that you like cooking too. We fall into deep conversation and I find myself telling you all about me and learning so much more about you. I build up my confidence a little and even though I’m not 100% sure you’ll say yes, I ask for your number. In marketing, we call this data collection.

Notifications —

It’s been a couple of days, I didn't want to seem too keen, but I finally send you a little message — hey, we met the other night and I wondered if I could see you again.

In marketing and dating, even when the person rejects us, we still message probably a tad to frequently, persistence generally works against us and we should really learn to have our advances declines gracefully.

Madly in love —

We dated a while, spent a lot of time together and really got to know one another, our true values and personality. Yet, every time we meet, I seem to find out something new about you. I just can’t get enough of you and would do almost anything to retain you. I notice you look out for me too, go out of your way to be with me, even spend money on me.

We become inseparable, whenever we have the chance, we’re together. You begin to tell your friends about me and they get excited to meet me — and I am very grateful to meet them!

In marketing this is called peer endorsement, in dating this is called awkward introductions and frantically hoping to not make a fool of yourself.

The comfortable stage —

We've been together a while now and although I’m not proud of it, I start taking your attention and loyalty for granted. I forget how hard I fought to meet you and keep you and slip, unforgivably, into cruise control with you. I begin to think more about about others, paying them attention, even sending the odd flirty message to see if they’re interested.

You, angry and upset, start to feel unloved and begin to notice the advances of other brands/people. Suddenly we both have eyes for others and we start the eventual decline towards a break-up. Once in a while I send you a message to say how special you are to me, but we both know I've been offering much sweeter enticements to my new love interests.

The regretful break-up —

Was it me? Was it you? Maybe we both changed. Part of you still loves me but this other brand/person paid you more attention, understood you better and offered you that little bit more.

We bump into each other occasionally doing our absolute best to look desperately happy with our new partners, but secretly I’m longing for you to still want me.

I send you messages now and then telling you how much I regret how things ended and how I change to be what you need. After a few too many, the messages begin to snowball and I bombard you with messages about how wrong I was and how I still love you tirelessly…actually, thinking about it, this bit might just be in the dating world…

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