Complaints Policy
As a political page in the current global climate, complaints are just a normal part of life. However, it can be confusing and disorientating deciding where to channel your anger to make sure that Your Voice is heard, because clearly, your opinion is the most important one.
As such, we have created an easy to follow guide, to make sure you, Concerned Citizen, feel as though your thoughts over an obviously satirical internet page are heard. So if something written on this here website has filled you with the fires of hell in your hatred, please follow these steps.
1. Remember that freedom of speech exists
Oh no, a random stranger on the internet has jokingly criticised my party and/or my beliefs! The horror! Well I’m sorry for having an opinion that contradicts yours, but remember, freedom of speech isn’t freedom from consequence or freedom from being told how wrong you are.
Maybe next time, start your own website that makes jokes about politics.
2. Point out my spelling and grammar mistakes to your Year 10 English Teacher
Look, I’m one person researching far too many political parties, making somewhat-funny memes, and trying to live an actual life while doing it. I’m going to make spelling and grammar mistakes. Some will be funny. Some will be sad. Some will make you question how I possibly thought that could work as a sentence because it’s far to long and unwieldy and you keep losing track of where you are and honestly it’s just train of thought now where is it going you have no idea so you’re just going to give up reading now.
I don’t care. I’m probably not going to fix it. Show it to your old English teacher and laugh about how stupid I am. Hopefully your smugness will shut you up.
3. Send a letter to the Prime Minister’s Office
There are lots of reasons to why Australian politics sucks right now. That’s what makes it easy for idiots like me to make half-arsed attempts at jokes and seem vaguely funny. The most recent reason is our current Prime Minister, Scott Morrison, who beat a human potato to depose the multi-millionaire ex-lawyer who used to run the country, who had deposed an onion-eating budgie-smuggler-wearing misogynist.
Please send angry letters to Scott Morrison telling him it’s his fault that I had such easy pickings there. You can send mail to him at:
The Hon Scott Morrison MP
Prime Minister
Parliament House
CANBERRA ACT 2600
4. Make an angry social media post
I’m not going to lie, I made this whole thing with the expectation that not a huge number of people were going to read it. Hell, it was mostly a way for me to vent my frustrations at all the monumentally stupid parties that exist in Australia. But man, if this blew up, this work may have been somewhat worth it.
And the best way to do that is exposure. So if you didn’t like it, please make as many angry posts as possible. Post it in every Facebook group you’re in and whinge at how inaccurate my descriptions of policy are. Make a 65-tweet long thread on Twitter explaining every reason why I’m a leftist cuck who’s opinion doesn’t matter. Spread your hatred far and wide so more and more people see my page and I feel validated that my work has been seen by the world.
5. Go to the media
It is a lifelong dream of mine to make a political commentator angry over something completely insignificant. If you have a problem with this page, please send it to every network and newspaper, get me featured on A Current Affair, make me have an interview on The Project, have Sunrise have a panel discussion about it. I only need Andrew Bolt to see it and I know I will have my dream come true, so please, don’t let me down.
6. Email or message me
Look, I’ve probably legitimately cooked something in this hot steaming mess of analysis and memes. If none of the above options seem quite right, send an email to officialauspolpartyguide@gmail.com, or send me a message through the Facebook page.
Full disclosure: I will probably ignore it anyways, I have much better things to worry about than this page. And likely, so do you.
