4 Ways You are Self-Sabotaging Your Success

Over the past few weeks, I have been doing some deep reflection of who I am as a person. I wanted to understand more because there were some things that were happening fast in my businesses. My social media following has quadrupled, along with my income sources. I am more connected to my higher self and amazing people continue to surround and support me. But it wasn’t always this way…

Through a conversation with a friend, I realized I am a deeply shy person, and I suffer with anxiety. I’m sure it doesn’t make a lot of sense because I write and speak to thousands of people every single day.

And it doesn’t help that my personality is ENTJ (Extrovert, Intuitive, Thinker, Judger).

How in the world could you be shy and have anxiety?

You are supposed to be the life of the party!

Well, I am not in some cases.

After reflecting, I saw that I was not the person who would come up to someone and say “hi”. I would speak from afar, and if I wanted to talk to you, I would probably wait until you said something first.

Let alone, the most embarrassing times were when men would hit on me in front of a crowd of people. I remember like yesterday being in college and a guy said “girl, you look thicker than puddin’”. Whatever that meant, my face lit up red. I hurried out of the cafeteria, hoping no one actually heard him.

If there was an opportunity I wanted, I would go after it, but in the most subtle way possible. I didn’t want many people to know about it because I didn’t want to be seen as boastful. Having any extra attention as the “girl who is killin’ it” was not something I wanted.

Maybe this anxiety and shyness came overtime, as I spent time in school with girls who didn’t really like me. I was a genuinely nice person, and I really didn’t grasp the concept of someone being jealous of me. I didn’t think it existed in that I didn’t see how significant I really was in this world.

Do any of these actions or perceptions resonate with you?

You might just be self-sabotaging various opportunities in your life, if it this does center with you. Most people think self-sabotage is just turning down good opportunities, but it is also not opening yourself to new things. It’s when you shrink back to allow others to shine when you know you truly deserve it.

So in 2018, I made the decision that I was going to get every single thing that I wanted by stopping doing these four things:

1. People pleasing

It was easy for me to sit back and let other people win because I didn’t have to worry about them hating me. But that is beyond unfair to my own success. The truth is that one day people will love you, and the next day they will hate you. It is not your job to make people like you. Your only responsibility is to live your best life. Whoever is unhappy with it does not walk in your shoes. They do not have the same plans as you do, so forget what they say or think.

2. Doubting myself

Maybe I didn’t doubt myself out loud like most people. I did things that were super comfortable and in my normal zone with great success. My doubt crept in when I began learning new skills to expand my brands. It was scary to start learning new skills on social media. I remember saying “I hate Instagram! I’m not good at appearing perfect.” That statement took me into the real truth that I doubted my abilities to grow a following because I don’t have an eye for visual designs. So instead of sitting in this mess, I stayed up all night playing around on Instagram and gained 100+ followers overnight! I even enrolled in this training to develop myself more using this platform, and now I can’t stop getting massive engagement.

What I’m saying is that instead of accepting those negative doubts in your head, fight them back with actions to show your mind you can do anything! Had I not used this frustration and doubt as fuel, I would not have a thriving platform. Sometimes, doubt can be your greatest motivation and fire to make you even more successful.

3. Accepting the minimum

This was the hardest for me to change because although I know exactly what I want, somehow in my mind I find ways to accept mediocrity as fine. That is settling, and it only leads to regret. You might kind of like the person who asks you out, but deep down, you know they aren’t what you want or deserve to have. You have a choice — politely decline or go with the motions just to have someone. Or it could be that you want a raise on your job and your boss gives you 25% of what you want. You don’t have to accept that, especially when you know what you bring to the table.

Ask for what you want, be willing to work and wait for it, but don’t you dare apologize for choosing to have the absolute best!

4. Refusing to promote yourself

I think this is the most fun to me now. Would you believe I had a hard time promoting what I did online? I guess I didn’t want to seem annoying to people. And even more, I was afraid of how people would view me for being myself and showing how much I loved what I did. Do you know how many direct messages I get from people telling me how much I inspire them to go after their dreams? People have become my clients from my aligned promotions. Well, I’m telling you, if you don’t promote yourself, who else will? No one wants to see you succeed as much as you do!

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