Relationship Revelationships.
Often times, I think as women, we focus so much on the hurt we experienced in a past relationship that we miss the lesson that needed to be learned. Valuable time is wasted playing the victim role and we fail to realize our contribution to the hurt that was caused. Now, that may sound silly but hear me out first! If you were to enter a boxing match, would you remain in the same place continuously taking a beating or would you reposition yourself for protection? (Don’t worry, I’ll wait…)
When the perspective is changed, I’m sure your answer is pretty clear. Now, don’t get me wrong, I know it is not that simple but only because we complicate things with our emotions and feelings. But ladies, guess what? Your emotions were created for YOU to have, NOT for them to have YOU! The moment a decision is made based on emotion and not logic is a moment of risking your position for protection. Proverbs 4:23 states it pretty clearly, Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. As a boxer, if you are not skilled in protecting your face and your body, you will have battle wounds that prove such. The same applies in reference to guarding your heart. If you do not guard your heart, you will have the battle wounds that show your hurt, pain, insecurities, lack of confidence, trust issues, etc. How do I know this? Because I was once that girl.
I carried around my daddy issues, relationship hurt, and for a while I was convinced that everyone else was the problem. I never slowed down to realize how I also played a part in my own demise. I jumped from commitment to commitment simply because I had the theory that I needed someone there, it was comfortable for me. I continued dating the same type of people which birthed the same type of problems which in turned poured gasoline on a flaming high fire. Never in a million years did I contribute my constant battle wounds of insecurity and trust issues to my own failure in guarding my heart.
I remember hearing a message from My Pastor one Sunday that really capitalized on not having a victim mentality. My reflection on his words were simple, “He is right. No one told me to stay, that was a personal decision.” From that point forward, my entire perspective changed. I mean how smart is it to remain in the direct line of fire when you can make the tough decision to simply re-position yourself. Yes, I cried many “lonely” nights however, my peace of mind surpassed the feeling of a warm body at night or even my personal comfort level. My focus shifted towards becoming a better me and not chasing after something or someone that was never a part of God’s plan for my life. I began reading and studying scripture on everything from trust, faith and insecurities to forgiveness, sexual sin, and hearing the voice of God.
My perspective changed and I placed God in his rightful place as the Head of My Life. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope”. Why should I stress myself by not keeping and placing God as the head of my life when He holds the keys to my future? Logically, it just makes sense to submit myself to Him so that I experience my life in abundance. My obedience will always have a greater reward. Here are a few starter tips on how to re-position your life to be led by Christ and not your problems or insecurities:
(1) Develop a Prayer Life — Even if you are unsure how to start or what to say, begin having a daily conversation with God the same way you would a friend or family member. Avoid the headache and stress, pray FIRST. (James 4:8–10 NLT)
(2) Get to Know Yourself — Strengths, Weaknesses, Likes, Dislikes, Insecurities, Dating Patterns, Anxieties, ETC. Ask God to reveal ALL of these things to you and be prepared to listen and then WORK! He is not a God of confusion.
(3) Remove yourself from the Dating Pool — In the process of getting to know yourself, you cannot be distracted by other people. Give yourself at least 6–12 months to cleanse of old habits and soul ties. Do not allow your emotions lie and keep you in the wrong environment.
(4) Set Boundaries — A lot of common mistakes are made due to the lack of boundaries set within a “friendship”. Netflix and Chill became a thing because boundaries were not established. When it is right, it may not be perfect but it will not lead you to sin, stress, or losing yourself.
Some things are easier said than done, but I assure you that if you take it one day at a time, you’ll start noticing the silver lining around the cloud. Take some time to get in touch with you and those areas of yourself that need a shift. Allow God to work on you, in you and through you so that you can be emotionally stable and spiritually whole.
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