Why Travel Solo?

It’s mid-morning in Dubrovnik. I am alone.

I came here to escape, and yet Bryan Adams is playing on the stereo over the patio where I sip an Americano and eat processed cold cuts. I sound disappointed; I’m not. It’s just the dose of home I needed to ease myself into this solo travel, to fuel me through my first (perhaps last, perhaps not) bout of homesickness.

“Memoir,” my waiter says as he walks by to check on me. He gestures to my notebook, stretching his English to connect with me. I smile and say, “Yes,” trying not to be embarrassed, because what 32-year-old without fame would have the audacity to write a memoir? For the record, not me. But “yes” is easier than, “Actually, I have no idea what I’m writing or why, I just know I need to.”

“Alone?” he asks. “Yes,” I say, more confidently this time, because it is the truth, and I do know why.

I’ve had to do a lot of explaining to help people understand why I chose to travel alone, and so perhaps I’ll write it all down, in case you need to explain to someone you love why you’d like to travel without them, or in case you never thought you were brave enough to try solo travel but you would like to be.

When you bring this topic up with friends, family, or strangers, you’ll be faced with a broad range of responses from, “That’s so exciting!” to “What is wrong with you?” If you have a partner, you might even get a “Oh honey, is your marriage / relationship in trouble?”

Many people simply don’t understand the draw, and even if they do, they might view it as too scary or strange to ever attempt.

So why do it? Let me count the ways…

Freedom of movement

When you travel with a lot of people, or even just one person, your choices are a constant dance; a continuous compromise. Where you go and what you do depends on the entire group — a compilation of each person’s preferences, comfort, energy, fitness level, health, mood, dietary restrictions, and general whims.

Of course, there are benefits too! You won’t be lonely, you’ll have multiple brains to offer various useful skills, and you’ll have someone to watch your stuff while you go to the bathroom. That last perk is way more valuable than it sounds. Plus, chances are that if you’re travelling with someone, you really like them, and you’ll get to create amazing memories that will (hopefully!) strengthen your relationship.

All of that aside… there is a blissful freedom to being able to do exactly what you want to do, precisely when you want to do it, without checking in with anyone but yourself. To some people, this will sound selfish. And that’s because it is. Exquisitely, blissfully, deliciously selfish.

I cannot fully explain the divine pleasure of walking slowly through an open market, stopping anywhere that tickles you, freely fingering every fabric and texture you encounter without rushing along for the benefit of someone who doesn’t share this same desire. To be free of the guilt of stringing someone along for something they don’t enjoy; to never be the one strung. Selfish, yes. And wonderful.

Test your problem-solving skills

In a new place, with new cultures and languages and customs, there are soooo many problems to be solved. How do you get from A to B? What happens when things don’t go as planned? What do you do when you’re faced with foreign signage and technology and appliances?

When you’re travelling with someone, you always have backup. To most people, this is a comfort. It’s also a crutch.

I’m reminded of being at home and noticing a small problem. A burnt-out lightbulb; a heavy load. I’ve often thought to myself, “I could tackle this, but it would be so much easier for Steve,” my incredibly handy, expert problem-solver husband. This is a lovely benefit of a relationship (as long as you’re pulling your weight in other ways), but it can also make you complacent. I rarely replace that lightbulb.

But when you’re alone, there’s no one but you to figure it out. Some how, some way, you have to find the solution to your problem. And what an incredible gift to give to yourself: the training to become, or remind yourself that you already are, a self-sufficient, resourceful human with the ability to think your way out of any pickle.

This constant solo struggle can be exhausting and hard, but the benefits compound. You will succeed more often in life if you learn how to navigate around more obstacles, and find a way to fail gracefully when a solution just isn’t in the cards. Whether or not you’re in a relationship, resourcefulness is one of the most valuable traits you can cultivate within yourself.

Appreciate the comforts of routine

So many of us crave travel to flee, even briefly, from the seeming mundanity of our everyday lives. It’s a chance to shed our routines and encounter novel experiences that make time slow down. (Have you ever noticed that? That when you’re doing the same things over and over, time disappears into thin air, but when you’re doing something novel it lasts an eternity?)

But a funny thing happens when you’re away from home for awhile. You start to miss things. Like your bed, shower, pets, partner, family, friends, job… And this is magnified even more so when you’re all alone for days on end. I’m sitting on a bustling Croatian patio sipping a frothy, fresh cappuccino, and I’m thinking to myself, “Boy, I can’t wait for my cheap Folgers French Vanilla coffee when I get home.” It’s the kind I brew each morning to accompany me on my drive into work. You’d think me crazy to miss a long morning commute and the beverage I take with me… but I do, and I’m not. Crazy.

The reason? There is beauty and comfort in our routines. They anchor our days. And all it takes is a week or two away from it all to make you yearn for the simple pleasures of the life you’ve built for yourself. The soft fleece sheets beneath the heavy duvet that get you through the winter. The end-of-day ritual of recounting your hours with family and friends. The grocery store where you have memorized the locations of (nearly) everything you need.

Sweet routine. A reminder of its preciousness is a blessing.

Endure forced introspection and… silence

There’s nothing that can make you turn inward more than being alone. An entire day may go by without having a full conversation with anyone but yourself. This is an unprecedented challenge and opportunity to test the limits of your comfort with your own company.

You’ll find yourself checking in on your moods, energy levels, and how your body is feeling, simply because you cannot help it. For someone who tends to be externally focused, like me, this is a novel experience.

If you’re looking for creative inspiration, you may find it in the silence. Tuning into the soundtrack around you—the soundscape of the city—is the best kind of music there is. Journaling and actively reflecting on your experiences is a great way to create a dialogue with yourself.

Maybe you’re a chatty person who strikes up a conversation with anyone and everyone — and if this brings you pleasure and peace, by all means, do it. But don’t forget about the power of silence, and don’t miss out on the opportunity to force yourself to be truly alone.

Challenge your confidence

There’s no question about it: it’s hard to stroll into a restaurant solo comfortably if you’re not used to it. Sometimes even just convincing yourself to leave the house can be a struggle, especially in the dark. Travelling solo will constantly push you out of your comfort zone—you don’t have a choice but to leave that room if you want to eat! But what a great personal challenge to take on.

Being by yourself for long stretches of time allows you to train your brain to believe that you do deserve to eat in a restaurant even if you’re by yourself, that you’re not a weirdo for being alone, and that literally no one cares about you as much as you think they do, or is staring at you as much as you think they are. And, if so, guess what? You’ll probably never, ever see them again in your entire life.

The more you steel yourself against your own self-consciousness, the easier it will be to wrangle that beast next time. If it remains a struggle, remember that sometimes it’s okay to stay in, or to create a plan for yourself. Make a reservation at a specific spot so you know exactly where you’re going to eat and when, or go to the grocery store so you can prepare a meal in the comfort of your own living space.

Practice some fierce self-love

There’s zero room for self-hatred when you’re travelling alone.

You are situated fiercely within your own skin, and there’s nothing you can do about it. When you’re tackling logistical challenges, navigating new territory, and forcing yourself to be brave, ain’t no time for that “I’m not worthy” shit. Seriously.

Of all the introspection I’ve done during solo travel, none of it has revolved around the “I’m not pretty/skinny/good enough” category. I’m too busy being a badass. Solo travel is the closest I’ve ever come to worshipping at the altar of me, and that’s saying something, because I have some serious demons in there.

For some reason, the necessity of constant alertness to my surroundings trumps the monsters. I’m no doctor, but if they get less attention, those monsters might just shrink and shrivel from lack of spotlight, even if only a little.

Foster a sense of curiosity

Travelling alone leads to the beautiful byproduct of constantly seeking out the answers to your own questions.

Being surrounded by novel sights, sounds, smells, and situations will result in a ton of questions and ideas and desired plans popping up in your mind— and how beautiful that you have the time and space to respond to the ones that rise to the top of your curiosity list?

If you’re not curious, you’re not learning. And what is the point of the lottery of life you’ve won if you’re not taking advantage of it by learning? Solo travel is a brilliant burst of forced evolution. You have to grow, or else. So grow.

To point out the obvious, there is no better time to catch up on your book, podcast, or online course to-do list. That said… remember that solo travel isn’t only about personal or professional development. Remember to enjoy the new landscape around you. But during long flights and train rides and down time, why not make the most of it?

Allow yourself to look like a fool

I walked into Uje Oil Bar in Split, Croatia after the server closed the door in my face.

It was cool outside and he was trying to keep the warm air in, and he didn’t see me. It wasn’t personal! But I had to start my restaurant experience with the ever-so-awkward, “Can I come in?” followed by the inevitable dance of quickly scanning the room for the table that would be the most optimal for one, for both myself and the restaurant (I’ll soon publish a post about how to choose that optimal table, among other solo travel tips).

Next up on the awkward platter was being informed that the charcuterie board I’d ordered was portioned for two, and did I want to keep my order the same? What does a body-conscious female say to that?! Thankfully, we were able to negotiate a single-serving order.

I felt awkward, naive, and uncomfortable. And then I got over it. Because what does it really matter? I smiled through it, maintained some composure, and got what I wanted in the process.

It takes some gumption to put yourself in a position of vulnerability, and repeatedly so. When travelling by yourself, there will be no one you know and trust to guide you through it. Perhaps this sounds like I’m aggrandizing a minor event. Perhaps I am. But discomfort is a muscle, and this is a flex.

And guess what? Life is full of social discomfort. Loaded to the tits with it. You need to learn to allow yourself to ask the dumb questions, puzzle your way through the awkward moments, and push through your most basic instincts shrieking ABORT! ABORT! If you find a way to do this, you will garner so much more experience and culture and memories than you ever could by cowering.

__________________________

WOW, you made it this far! I’m tired of typing, so I’m sure you’re tired of reading. I’ll end now, but no promises that I won’t continue to add to this list.

I did a lot of writing about this topic while I was away on a one-month leave from work (an incredible program by my employer Shopify called Intermission as a thank you for five years with the company 🎉). I have tons more from my notebook to publish including things like:

• A guide to dining solo
• The ultimate packing list for solo travel
• A letter to yourself when you need it while travelling alone
• A character sketch from the most interesting person I’ve ever met, named Randall (not his real name), an expat from Canada living in Split

Stay tuned! And thanks for opening my notebook. 📓