DON’T FEED THE ANIMALS
DON’T FEED THE FANTASY
When you get to the bottom of an addiction you have to climb your way of a hole you’re in.
It’s a long road working with your mind and what feels like truth in your body.
It’s slowly feeling your way inside your heart to feel the places you’ve been avoiding.
It’s layers of grief.
It’s feeling the pain of the deep self-abandonment wound.
It’s raw unavoidable truths to see.
It’s an eye-opening introduction to boundaries.
It’s noticing how victimized you felt by the reality of where you’re at until you don’t.
It feels like being frozen and then starting a deep thaw.
And it’s a fuck ton of responsibility choosing and creating the experience you are having.
It’s a lot of chop wood carry water.
And giving your mind stuff to do.
And it’s practice, practice, practice.
For 9 months after the relationship was over, I had daily thoughts of yearning for a “relationship” with him.
For a relationship that was no longer there.
For a relationship that wasn’t true.
For a relationship, I didn’t want.
For a relationship that feeds by my addiction.
The echo of the energy of that addiction was alive pulling to be fed.
I had to let the fantasy die.
The fantasy of the thing I was seeking was somehow inside a man or a relationship.
The fantasy I had FED and GREW for years.
As wonderfully tempting as it was I couldn’t feed it anymore.
It’s kinda like the sign at the zoo that says in all caps
DON’T FEED THE ANIMALS.
DON’T FEED THE FANTASY
It felt like a constant whine in my system till it stopped.
Once the pull in my body for the relationship stopped it quit being about the relationship.
I started to see the addiction I was inside of was inside me and was about ME.
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