I Am Not Your Pretty Woman
You Won’t Find Me In The Light.
This time of the year is always magical for me.
Lots of magic covered in grief.
Magic, covered in grief.
My daughter was born close to this day.
Valentine’s Day.
A day that is supposed to mean something about my love life. *insert eye roll*
There’s this sadness that ripples out from the hearts of all who cry on this day.
A cry from the inside.
Most have it covered in pride or denial.
Not covered enough if you ask me.
There is a way.
A way around this valley.
There is a way around these neck of the woods.
For some of you, the cry is only allowed a space with the privilege of the holiday.
For some of you, the cry comes through your heartbreaks.
The cry comes when you’re at some sort of bottom.
Sorry.
Sorry for the heartbreak and pain that is the basic fucking entry price of being a human on this planet.
Oh, you don’t think you signed up for the life you’re living?
You don’t think you signed up to feel your pain and suffering?
While that is not the purpose of your life, that is definitely part of the fucking contract in being human.
You can learn to find more pleasure.
You can learn to make it easier.
You can learn to stop chasing while another chases you.
Take a moment.
Step away from the chase altogether.
See your range.
See the game you’re playing.
Then decide.
Turning not towards the outward movement of your chasing.
Neither turning towards the one who chases you, just because it’s the other option.
Rather see yourself in both places.
Bringing it all to a pause and to neutral ground.
This ground is dark.
Space for neutrality in order to see.
What do you keep chasing?
What is coming in your direction that you’re not receiving?
There are no rules to this, but there is a way.
Regardless of what’s present in your life. The key is to bring it all the way out.
Whether it’s your defiance or fighting or resisting.
Bring it all the way out.
I am not pretty and pretty it is not.
I will not make it pretty.
Redefining the word beauty, completely eradicating the supposed put-together pretty woman.
I am not your pretty woman.
I am the one you deem to the pits of hell as unclean, unholy, unbeautiful.
It’s where most of the world has put me; where YOU have put me; where I’ve put myself.
You won’t find me in the light.
You’ll find me in the nothingness that exists inside of the darkness.
Sorry I am no longer.
I’m that whiskey drink with no chaser.
A straight shot.
The fire that burns you so good.
You keep chasing the ecstacy of your death while the sorrows of your life chases you.
This loop does not end, at least not until you face your destiny.
I am the destiny you can never outrun.
The thing you could never destroy.
Because even when you want to act and pretend like you’re running the show, my pussy has a magical way of opening to this power that is greater than me.
A way of dropping me right down to my knees.
Admit that you want Her and She will open to receive you like a big fat cock.
Admit it and She will receive you with great pleasure.
Even when your body shakes and trembles.
Even when your grounds break open.
She is the destroyer of all that does not serve you.
The annihilator.
Purifier. Rectifier.
The Remedy.
She is medicine.
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