The Chosen One
My ancestry, my unborn twin, and my own heart
Once I was walking through a beautiful valley
in the mountains of Korea.
I was entranced by the flowering cherry trees
and the fragrance of their blossoms.
It was spring.
Then I noticed a boulder next to a flowering tree
that had a huge hole in the center- in the shape of a perfect circle.
“Wow, what a beautiful natural sculpture,” I thought.
I continued walking and I saw another large boulder
with the same perfect circle cut out of its center.
And then another one…
Later, I found out what had actually created these holes.
The Japanese pierced our stone hearts
to take power by force.
Uprooted forests of pine
to replace evergreen with cherry trees
Which are pretty,
Yes, this old power play between the
Japanese and Koreans.
But, now we’re in the States,
where every Asian is believed to
be of this particular persuasion.
At least passive and powerless,
if not pretty.
We’re the race considered most competitive with whites,
and oddly considered the least threatening
at the same time.
So, I’m Korean. I’m Asian.
Let’s take this one step further:
I’m a woman.
Pretty and powerless.
How did that idea become a universal norm?
The rebel in me always wanted to fight
to represent. Be the truth.
Make everything right.
But to do this, I became untouchable and hard.
Because when you’ve been powerless,
it’s no longer enough to be equal-
now you have to be in charge.
I had to protect my family, my ancestry.
And honor my twin- who shared my mom’s belly
for a quick minute* before she decided
“oh never mind, I’ll see you on the other side.”
Why weren’t you the one who survived?
You were light and pretty
for you this world would have been easy.
I didn’t have that luxury.
I’m strong and responsible and
full of tenacity.
God it’s boring to be me!
I never liked that role.
I tried to deny it.
I played loose and easy
with an air of nonchalance.
But the more I tried to play
the more serious I became.
I couldn’t escape who I am
You were the one that’s good at games.
I’m this deep root,
a massive pillar.
I’m here to stand for the weak.
How can I be happy and carefree
when I feel death inside of me?
You’re so light
and I’m so dark.
It should’ve been you who survived.
You would have lit up the world
and taken it all in stride.
I’m just here waiting,
for all to become right.
For the world to be good
so I can lay down the fight
and finally, take a rest
have a real laugh
and get undressed.
I want to come back home to you
I ache for my demise.
I want this tiring life to end
and I want you for my prize.
To deserve you
I filled up with all the things
I thought were better than me.
But all of this addition
just created a hole
that no one else could see.
But I knew it was wrong.
That I wasn’t being who I was meant to be.
I just didn’t know another way…
Until one day you spoke to me.
“I am already yours.
You only need to make the space.
If you want to have me
give everything else away.
Every voice that says that
what you choose is not enough.
That you must be chained to suffering
for generations that sacrificed for us.
That you may not enjoy a moment
until you redeem their struggle.
That you must live in atonement
for all the voices that were strangled.
My sweet sister, it was because
the world was dark
that I did not want to stay.
Yet, if not for your light,
I could not have gone away.
It was you who could be trusted,
for alone or by my side-
You possess the power
to make this cold world bright.
Every struggle, every death
so you might sing today.
Your ancestors smile upon you
for you are the choice they made.
They helped create your world
of so much possibility.
And this was for great love
of what they knew would one day be.
Don’t let yourself be paralyzed
when all would have you dance.
It was no accident you survived,
for you know that in this world
there is actually nothing left to chance.
So choose boldly.
Risk for love.
There’s no way you can mess it up.
Your destiny is already written
and life will always fill your cup.
Yes, I am light
and you are dark.
You are unfolding creation.
You are my beauty made manifest.
I am pure vibration.
We are the same.
We are one.
You only miss me because you forgot
how good it is to be in the chase
before you let yourself get caught.
So hold me in your arms a while.
Enjoy this bliss of forgetfulness.
Because when you wake you’ll see
there’s no one else here- but me.
Nothing to hold.
Nothing to catch.
Nothing to be or become.
Nothing to say.
Nothing to do.
We’ve already won.
*I am a twin.
I shared the womb (and many past lives) with her,
but she did not fully incarnate this time.
On a physical level, this is quite common- it’s called “twin resorption.”