The Opening
Published in

The Opening

The Chosen One

My ancestry, my unborn twin, and my own heart

Once I was walking through a beautiful valley

in the mountains of Korea.

I was entranced by the flowering cherry trees

and the fragrance of their blossoms.

It was spring.

Then I noticed a boulder next to a flowering tree

that had a huge hole in the center- in the shape of a perfect circle.

“Wow, what a beautiful natural sculpture,” I thought.

I continued walking and I saw another large boulder

with the same perfect circle cut out of its center.

And then another one…

Later, I found out what had actually created these holes.

Moonblood painting by Author projected onto figure. Photo by Tony Hitchcock.

The Japanese pierced our stone hearts

to take power by force.

Uprooted forests of pine

to replace evergreen with cherry trees

Which are pretty,

but weak.

Yes, this old power play between the

Japanese and Koreans.

But, now we’re in the States,

where every Asian is believed to

be of this particular persuasion.

At least passive and powerless,

if not pretty.

Author’s collage.

We’re the race considered most competitive with whites,

and oddly considered the least threatening

at the same time.

So, I’m Korean. I’m Asian.

Let’s take this one step further:

I’m a woman.

Pretty and powerless.

How did that idea become a universal norm?

Author’s collage. Photo source unknown.

The rebel in me always wanted to fight

to represent. Be the truth.

Make everything right.

But to do this, I became untouchable and hard.

Because when you’ve been powerless,

it’s no longer enough to be equal-

now you have to be in charge.

I had to protect my family, my ancestry.

Author’s collage.

And honor my twin- who shared my mom’s belly

for a quick minute* before she decided

“oh never mind, I’ll see you on the other side.”

Why weren’t you the one who survived?

You were light and pretty

for you this world would have been easy.

I didn’t have that luxury.

I’m strong and responsible and

full of tenacity.

God it’s boring to be me!

I never liked that role.

I tried to deny it.

I played loose and easy

with an air of nonchalance.

But the more I tried to play

the more serious I became.

I couldn’t escape who I am

You were the one that’s good at games.

Author’s collage.

I’m this deep root,

a massive pillar.

I’m here to stand for the weak.

How can I be happy and carefree

when I feel death inside of me?

You’re so light

and I’m so dark.

Author’s own image. Photo by Tony Hitchcock.

It should’ve been you who survived.

You would have lit up the world

and taken it all in stride.

I’m just here waiting,

for all to become right.

For the world to be good

so I can lay down the fight

and finally, take a rest

have a real laugh

and get undressed.

I want to come back home to you

I ache for my demise.

I want this tiring life to end

and I want you for my prize.

Author’s collage.

To deserve you

I filled up with all the things

I thought were better than me.

But all of this addition

just created a hole

that no one else could see.

But I knew it was wrong.

That I wasn’t being who I was meant to be.

I just didn’t know another way…

Until one day you spoke to me.

You said,

“I am already yours.

You only need to make the space.

If you want to have me

give everything else away.

Every voice that says that

what you choose is not enough.

Author’s painting “Goodbye.”

That you must be chained to suffering

for generations that sacrificed for us.

That you may not enjoy a moment

until you redeem their struggle.

That you must live in atonement

for all the voices that were strangled.

My sweet sister, it was because

the world was dark

that I did not want to stay.

Yet, if not for your light,

I could not have gone away.

It was you who could be trusted,

for alone or by my side-

You possess the power

to make this cold world bright.

Author’s painting “The Void.”

Every struggle, every death

so you might sing today.

Your ancestors smile upon you

for you are the choice they made.

They helped create your world

of so much possibility.

And this was for great love

of what they knew would one day be.

Don’t let yourself be paralyzed

when all would have you dance.

It was no accident you survived,

for you know that in this world

there is actually nothing left to chance.

So choose boldly.

Risk for love.

Author’s collage.

There’s no way you can mess it up.

Your destiny is already written

and life will always fill your cup.

Yes, I am light

and you are dark.

You are unfolding creation.

You are my beauty made manifest.

I am pure vibration.

We are the same.

We are one.

Author’s painting projected onto figure. Photo by Tony Hitchcock.

You only miss me because you forgot

how good it is to be in the chase

before you let yourself get caught.

So hold me in your arms a while.

Enjoy this bliss of forgetfulness.

Because when you wake you’ll see

there’s no one else here- but me.

Nothing to hold.

Nothing to catch.

Nothing to be or become.

Nothing to say.

Nothing to do.

No fight.

We’ve already won.

Author’s photo of magazine image. Original source unknown.

*I am a twin.
I shared the womb (and many past lives) with her,
but she did not fully incarnate this time.

On a physical level, this is quite common- it’s called “twin resorption.”

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Yeeve 이재인 Rayne

Yeeve 이재인 Rayne

Supporting sensitive, magical creatives to stop over-giving, reclaim your space, & create the perfect conditions for you to thrive-your very own Garden of Eden