How I Traveled with a Panic Disorder
Five ways that helped me feel safe while traveling across the country that might help you too.
Four years ago I found myself sitting in an Urgent Care, hooked up to an EKG because I was complaining of chest pains.
My mom was sitting in the cramped exam room with me while I worried that there was something wrong with my heart. I was only twenty-three, but the ever pessimist in me was sure that the energy drink addiction I had in high school was probably catching up to me.
All the tests returned, and the doctor assured me that I was perfectly fine. Then he pulled out the little rolling stool from under the desk and sat down in front of me with an arched skeptical brow.
“Are you under a lot of stress?” He asked.
No, of course not, I thought. I was twenty-three, what did I have to be stressed about? I had just gotten engaged, my fiancé and I had recently moved in together, and I was a few months away from finally graduating college after hopping from one major to another. Life was great, why would I be stressed?
The doctor noticed my internal spiral and suggested I make an appointment with my primary care provider.
The next four years would have me trying everything from meditation to medication. Meditation was hard to do with six cats, a dog, and a husband all scurrying in and out of the room. Medication did help once I got on the right dose, but I felt like I was still walking along a tightrope.
I diluted my life and created these rules to live by that I was convinced would keep the panic at bay. I didn’t go anywhere that was twenty minutes from my house, I refused to do anything more strenuous than carrying laundry up from my basement, and I made sure that help was just a phone call away.
One day, I was catching up with two childhood friends over FaceTime when it was suggested that we take a girls' trip. We had been talking about traveling together since we were in high school.
Now seemed like the perfect time. We were all at a turning point in our lives. My eldest friend was graduating from medical school and my other friend was embarking on a new career path, while I was considering motherhood. This could very well be the last opportunity any of us had to travel in a long time.
We decided on going on a road trip where we would hit three National Parks–White Sands, Grand Canyon, and Petrified Forest. All of which were hours away from home, had questionable cell signals, and would include lots of hiking. All things that broke my rules.
Here’s how I did it:
Know Your Routine
If you’re like me and uncertainty is a catalyst for a panic attack, beat it to the punch by having a detailed itinerary–but also realize that things can change.
My friends and I had several meetings before we set out on our trip where we broke each day down into what time we had to get up, how long each of us would be driving, when and where we would stop for lunch, what stops we would be making, and where we would end the night at.
Have a Safety Blanket
I mean both a literal safety blanket and a symbolic safety blanket. I bring my weighted blanket with me everywhere, even if I’m only staying somewhere for a night. If you have a panic disorder or anxiety, I highly recommend trying a weighted blanket out — it’s like being hugged all night.
Symbolically, I mean that you should have something to help you through a panic attack or an anxious day. For me, that’s breathing exercises but for you that could be medication, music, a mantra, or anything that you find helps.
Never Doubt a Great Playlist
Days before my friends and I left, I created a playlist full of songs that we listened to when we were kids. I was too busy trying to recall lyrics we hadn’t sung in over a decade and laughing at the memories that were tied to each track to notice how far I was getting from home.
Find the Familiar in the Unfamiliar
In the same vein as not having my routine, being in a strange place is also a one-way ticket to a panic attack. If that’s the case for you too, try finding ways to bridge the familiar and unfamiliar together. I found that even the smallest adjustments helped a lot.
While I couldn’t keep my typical routine of coming home after work to watch cooking shows with my husband, I could call my husband and watch the Food Network when we got to our hotel for the night. Finding something that feels reminiscent of home can make being away not feel as detrimental.
Try to Remember that You’re Creating Memories
The first glimpse of the Grand Canyon is seared into my brain, as is my friends’ laughter as we tried to navigate the park’s shuttle system. I wouldn’t have these memories — and countless others we made — if I had continued to let my panic disorder dictate my life.
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