In The Name Of Support
What is this behavior?
About two or three years ago, I posted a picture of myself on my social media without a filter and with acne scars. I wanted to be real and free. I felt like I am not being myself and I will be embarrassed if someone sees the real me in public.
I wrote something like, “Time to love yourself as you are”, and a few other lines that I don’t remember.
I was so proud of myself. For the courage I took. Was I right to feel that way?
Definitely not. I’ll tell you, why.
Some of the followers commented, “wow”, “ you are beautiful”, “love yourself”. And some of my followers commented, “brave”, “ beauty comes from the inside”, and a few other extra-warm words. Warm enough to burn my confidence.
Last year I realized how stupid I was and how stupid they are. Then I deleted all of those warm comments from my post.
You must be thinking, “why?” Why did I delete such appreciative comments?
Because I understood, they were not agreeing with what I said or wrote or felt. They were sympathizing with me. They were trying to console me with, “beauty comes from inside”.
You Don't Need Sympathy When You Are Trying To Be Yourself.
A similar thing happens when people say things like, “so what, if she has dark skin, she is still beautiful”, “she is fat but she is beautiful”, “she has acne but she is beautiful”.
STILL and BUT
Why do you even have to add any word around she is beautiful? If you know she/he looks good. Then say it. Why include any unnecessary information with it.
Skin tone is just a color. It can never define who we are. Just like fair skins, there are dark skins, brown skins, blue and purple… okay. I want to see purple skin tones because they’ll also look different and beautiful. Me and my fantasies.
I see many people supporting someone that they think can be of use in showing their positive side. A lot of people pretend to support you. They pretend to be someone that they are not, especially on social media. Forget about social media. I’ve seen people in real life telling me, “you should go out more, you should not be afraid of people looking at your acne, you should be confident”. And after a few days when they get even one pimple, they tell me, “how can I go outside with this face”. The Audacity.
I don’t care about going out with this face anymore. Because now I’m confident. I took their advice seriously.
Before Ending This Topic:
One thing you can take from this written ted talk is to stay as real as possible. And please,
Don’t support or appreciate people where they don’t even need to be supported. Where they just want to be free. Where they just want to be themselves.
Sometimes I think, why does this color and beauty/ugly talk even happen. Why can’t we just roam around without the fear of being judged and be ourselves? Let’s take an oath to never point to anyone’s color or acne or body or status or anything that has nothing to do with happiness and peace.
Ask them if they’re happy, if they are content and if they need your help. Until then, be their friend and a human partner. Just like our pets do.
If you liked this article, feel free to read this one. You will be enlightened.
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