Moving Cross Country Alone Won’t Fix All Your Problems
“Everywhere you go, there you are.”
New Horizons
Something that’s always fascinated me about the human condition is our seemingly unique capacity to add meaning to life.
What intrigues me more these days, is the underlying desires of any new venture. When the idea to move cross country first bubbled up during my last semester of college, it felt like something had clicked deep within me.
I felt elated for weeks as I kept this vision to myself. I sensed that leaving California would be a challenge since I knew very little about other states, but California no longer felt like home. I needed a fresh set of eyes. I sold my car, clothes, and non-essential items. I researched cities, jobs, apartments, and committed to a fly date.
Once graduation approached, I couldn’t keep my plans from friends and family. I quickly learned that not everyone will understand your visions. People often cannot even see their own way, so they place doubt when you take risks off the beaten path.
Movement to Gain Clarity
Tuesday morning started off with a burst of adrenaline and anxiety. I touched down in Colorado with the ambitious plan to land a job and sign a lease on an apartment within the next two weeks.
I’d set a deadline for myself and was determined to meet it despite the odds.
What I didn’t factor into the agenda was the time and energy it’d take getting from point A to point B via public transit, which threw a huge wrench in my itinerary.
I also didn’t factor in how by my third day in a new city, I’d have a series of revelations that placed my move into question.
The rental agent in Denver was very upbeat and straight-forward. When we sat down to consider different areas, I realized I hadn’t had much time to process and refine what part of town would be a good fit for me.
Would downtown feel overcrowded and boisterous? What about further south where the rents fell at the cost of access to creative resources?
Truthfully, I couldn’t answer any of those questions because I was so focused on getting out of California, I hadn’t had time to weigh out pros and cons of the smaller details.
I’d been so concerned with what I disliked about my life in California, that I couldn’t see what I not only wanted — but needed out of this new experience. I experienced a flood of guilt that totally blocked my capacity to embrace this new chapter.
I reprocessed my notions of “better” during the tedious bus ride back to my Airbnb.
What this cross-country trip revealed to me is something far more valuable than my previous belief of finding an oasis out there.
The Desire for More
You often hear people talk about wanting something so bad it makes them miserable. People will grind day in day out towards something they believe will make them happy once they finally get X, Y, or Z.
Sometimes that does make them happy. For a while, but then it passes and settles into normalcy.
I delved into the motives behind my urge to do and see more. The desire for more took me out 2,000 miles across the country. Yet there I sat in another bout of dissatisfaction.
We often conflate more and new with positive traits, like go-getter or ambitious. This is because the status quo of our Capitalistic system champions more.
The general idea around more, is that it’s better than doing less. But what if that’s all wrong?
After all, the general consensus on quality vs. quantity is that quality outweighs any sum.
What if when we apply this to our lives, we free up space to soak in the quality of living already accessible to us? What if we find the reason we aren’t happy is that we don’t value what we already have?
Finding Rest Within
At the start of my trip, I set out with certainty about what was wrong in my life. I was determined to leave it all behind.
Ultimately, I learned I will always be the common denominator in my life. There will always be another hill or mountain to climb. There will always be cracks and gaps that make us unhappy in our experience. But it’s our willingness to make peace or to mend them that gets us out of the dark.
So try to embrace the journey. Or just go on a solo trip for a week — that’ll certainly do something.
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