My Best Friend Holds a Grudge
Sometimes, a time out is just what we need.
I have had the same best friend, K since I was 3 years old. At 34, that is practically my whole life. We have grown up in each other’s homes, and our parents treat us like their own children. It is a beautiful relationship. However, there are days when we can’t stand each other due to a difference of opinion or some such nonsense. But we always reconcile and sort things out so that neither one is left feeling hurt.
A few weeks ago, though, I discovered something new.
My parents and I visited her at home, and we decided to have an impromptu lunch. While we waited for our food to arrive, we discussed travel plans for a trip she and I were to take together. Things went south very quickly that day.
K and I have planned many trips in the past and none of those plans has ever seen the light of day due to unavoidable reasons like family commitments, medical emergencies, world scenarios, lockdown, work pressure etc.
This time we were adamant that nothing would come in our way. We went over a couple of locations and were in the middle of discussing them when she said that she’d already booked tickets to Singapore on the 16th of June and didn’t want to fly to a South-East Asian destination, fly back to India and then to Singapore.
At this point, I casually suggested she could consider changing her ticket to fly to Singapore from wherever we end our trip, and I’d fly back to India. What happened next was beyond my wildest dreams.
She flew into a rage and said she doesn’t earn as much as I do to waste 5K on travel agent fees to change a flight, not to mention the difference in flight fare. I was shocked. I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach, and my soul left my body for a few seconds. My parents were equally shocked and just sat there, speechless.
It Turned Into a Fight
My mother was the first to jump in and say something about how hard I work for everything I earn while I was trying to say K had no idea what I make because we had never talked about it.
Our relationship had never been about money until that moment. I can’t begin to describe how hurt I was. I felt like she violated over 30 years of friendship with one off-hand casual comment. Casual to her but extremely hurtful to me.
With my parents trying to defend me (their only child) and me trying to stop them from getting into it, K felt like we were ganging up against her. There was a whole lot of hurt in the air. We proceeded to eat our lunch in near silence and left. We didn’t speak for quite a while and still haven’t called each other. Barely texting is where we’re at, right now.
We connected a few days back because she got a message saying my booster dose of the Covid-19 vaccination was due (I was registered on her number). I told her we’d get ours together and she said she’s ineligible for the booster because she got Covid a few weeks back.
I asked her why she didn’t tell me then and if it was because she thought I was still upset? She said, “Frankly, I still don’t get what got you so upset, and so I got quite bugged too. So just thought a little quiet is good.” I had to agree with her because quiet is needed once in a while.
Letting go.
This is something we will eventually brush under the carpet because she thinks I had no reason to be offended and is thus angry that I got upset. I on the other hand have actually let it go because I realize I will never be able to explain this to her.
I don’t expect an apology, I just want her to understand. I know I won’t apologise for feeling hurt either because I did nothing wrong.
We’re not perfect and I don’t expect her to be. I just want my best friend back.
The one who didn’t care about money and shared in my highs and lows as I did in hers. The one who has pulled me up when I’ve needed it, brought me down to earth when I’m being ridiculous and cooked food with me while on video calls. The one who says the cats are her husband’s but will cuddle them like they’re her babies. The one who encouraged me to learn how to drive and to quit my job to reclaim my life.
My biggest cheerleader and toughest rock; I miss her.
We are like chalk and cheese but we love each other, and as long as that fundamental feeling doesn’t change I think we’ll be alright. Maybe I’ll just send her our song and we’ll both feel better. Maybe. Just maybe.
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