Orange Journal Prompt
My Luncheon Bombed
No One Attended My Party
Prompt — Have you been discriminated against because of your mental health?
I have come a long way in understanding myself and like many people, my journey hasn't been easy.
I didn’t know so much about myself. I didn't know basic things like, I have a high level of anxiety. I didn't know that my anxiety is the reason for me to distance almost everyone I befriended or had a future with.
Be it girlfriends or be it friends, or cousins, I just ruined it after the initial rush of a friendship. But, there is an expectation and a secret wish that someone gets it right? But that rarely happens.
Discrimination because you are inconsistent in your feelings towards situations and people is very common. For years I didn't feel the need to invite anyone home or I didn't feel like putting myself out there, mingling with family or friends, but I did superficially, with a sadness unexplained.
Recently, I was asked to host a family lunch and this time I really felt like, as I think I feel my loneliness is eating me up slowly and steadily.
Except for my parents and sibling, and one aunt, no one attended my lunch. It hurt, but I went on with the day. I think I was full of grace and generosity. I felt like the old me, who use to love hosting and feeding people.
I had a lot of food left over which my super-loving parents helped me finish and pack up for the fridge to store. I had a blast connecting with the family which did turn up.
I missed those who didn’t grace my invitation. But by the end of the day, I just forgot about those who didn't come and missed the awesome food I had made for everyone and ended up smiling and I am getting stronger by the day.
I owe a lot to the community here. To people who read me and engage with my writing. I love you all to bits and pray that you have a huge following and get to write a lot more here and in other places.
May everyone grow as a writer.
Few things I learned —
- Not expecting the world to understand my journey, saved me from further pain.
- I have come a long way.
- In the end, I wouldn't want a single change in my journey.
- I am safe and secure in my own space, I don’t need validation from anyone.
- If they get it, they get it. If they don’t, they don’t.
- I accept myself the way I am, and the way I am not.
- I accept others the way they are and the way they are not.
- I am trying my best.
- I am who I am, I can’t change you. I can only work on myself.
- It will hurt initially, but you will grow leaps and bounds from there. Wait, it's a journey.
- They will leave you out, nothing is wrong with you. Maybe, it's not yet time for you to be friends.
- Everything will happen on its own time. Trust the process.
- Take action, but if you can’t, relax. You don't have to.
- I love myself more than anyone else.
- I refuse to be walked over.
- It is Ok!
Nicole Dake Ravyne Hawke Jenny Lane Yana Bostongirl Anandhi Palaniappan Annie Trevaskis
(Ps- Tagging some lovely strong women I admire here on Medium)
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