Narcissistic Abuse Recovery:5 Things You Must Not Do
Once you get rid of the narcissist and are on the road to recovery, you must not do these five things:
1. Openly expressing your emotional pain in public
If I could offer victims of narcissists just one piece of advice, particularly in the initial days of their freedom, it would be this: under no circumstances let the narcissist know you are talking about them. Do not openly express your pain and sorrow in social gatherings or online, especially if the narcissist can identify you by your actual name or other identifying characteristics.
He might be following and observing you on Facebook, your blog or Twitter in order to witness the emotional anguish you are going through post-narcissistic relationship. Narcissists are sadists and enjoy watching you suffer. And when they are the cause of your suffering, it delights them even more and massively strokes their ego. They relish being the center of attention. The narcissist will also use your public expression of pain as evidence that you are chasing him and have always been the one who was crazy, illogical, or “losing it.” The narcissist will convince anyone of this, who will listen in an effort to ruin your credibility and image among your peers and coworkers.
Avoid writing songs about your suffering that the narcissist can identify as being about him. Do not create any drawing, poem, story, or other work of art about how he wronged you and then display it to him in an indirect way. If you don’t keep these essential healing practices to yourself, you’ll just be pouring out the emotional energy he needs. You won’t induce regret, a change of heart, or sympathy in him. Narcissists don’t care about how you feel.
Many criminals actually enjoy listening to victim impact statements.
Write things down in private diaries, then destroy them, or post them online anonymously or using some other name so that the narcissist won’t recognize you. Do not openly converse with friends about your pain, as the narcissist might contact that person and create trouble for you. A narcissist’s entire life revolves around getting narcissistic supply, and they are always engaged in scheming and plotting to abuse people. Find a way to help and heal yourself without providing the narcissist with more of what he desires; you are strong enough to heal yourself without the aid of any friend or colleague.
2. Sharing pain with the wrong people
Approximately 70% of the population knows nothing about narcissistic abuse, and among the remaining 30%, very few have the empathy to validate your pain.
You need to share your pain with people who have gone through narcissistic abuse. These people are also high on emotional empathy. For this, you can join internet groups and forums. Quora is okay. But there are many writers who invalidate victims of abuse. It’s better to subscribe to good YouTube channels and express yourself in the comments sections anonymously or using a username with which you cannot be identified.
Anyone who blames you for your misfortune or tells you that you invited or accepted abuse is not healthy for you. You have had enough blaming and criticism from the narcissist; you do not need more.
3.Retaining items that remind you of the narcissist
You must remove the links or objects that connect you in anyway with the narcissist:
- Burn all the photographs, cards, and letters associated with the narcissist.
- Do not visit the narcissist’s social media pages, even if the narcissist is not aware of it.
- Do not try to seek any information about the narcissist.
- Have no connection with the narcissist through social media.
- Do not discuss or talk about the narcissist in a conversation unless you are anonymously on the internet and cannot be identified. It would be better to create new social media accounts with new passwords. Narcissists often know the victim’s logins and passwords.
- Get rid of perfumes and fragrances that might remind you of the narcissist.
- Stop going to places that the narcissist visits often or that you and the narcissist would visit during the relationship.
- Get rid of the narcissist’s friends and avoid socializing with people who are connected to the narcissist.
- Throw away anything that reminds you of the narcissist in any way.
- Change jobs if you work closely with the narcissist.
You will escape the deadly tendrils of the narcissist extended through his ever presence by changing your environment through ruthless removals and additions.
4 Blaming yourself for the abuse
On social media sites like Quora, I have often seen this piece of toxic advice floating around: “No one can hurt you but yourself, or people cannot hurt you unless you allow them.”
If you were God, you would not be harmed or hurt by other people. But you are not omnipotent. Other people can hurt and harm you physically and psychologically, and you can only do so much to protect yourself. All humans are vulnerable and have a fragile existence. A narcissist thinks he is invulnerable, but he often suffers narcissistic injuries and is on the road to self-destruction.
As a victim of abuse (a victim means a person who was harmed), you must put the responsibility for toxic behavior on the toxic person. The cruelty is the problem of the narcissist; you are not responsible for it anyway, and you did not invite or allow the abuse. No human being on planet Earth wants to be raped emotionally, mentally, and financially all at the same time, including you.
You were deceived, but anyone can be deceived. Hitler deceived the whole of Germany. Narcissists and psychopaths who take pride in the fact that they cannot be manipulated or messed with are actually being deceived by the devil.
Once you gain deep knowledge of narcissism, you become very hard to manipulate.
5.Living with other narcissists
You free yourself from one narcissist and begin to live with another. For example:
A woman discards a toxic boyfriend and suffers from loneliness, so she starts living with a narcissistic mother or friend. Some victims have no choice but to live with narcissists because they have no money. Try to avoid such situations as much as possible; otherwise, your healing will be hampered.
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