Noise Finds Silence and Chaos Takes Shape
Diary from my trip to Mexico and what I’m learning.
There is a metallic grating just outside the beaten wooden garage door.
The laborers under Roberto’s contract are hard at work well into the evening. Clang after clang is herd without ceasing. They are skilled, capable of casting iron frames and ornate kitchen cabinets. I gather they put together much of the house I now sit in.
Outside, trucks and motorcycles sputter past and leave trails of smoke. By now, bread sellers and ice cream trucks have come and gone. Once the sun sets, they, along with much of the town, gather at plazas. Merchants of all varieties line cobbled, broken streets for families to enjoy an elote or tostada while the happy (and sometimes melancholy) mariachis play their tunes.
Three days ago, I walked the windy streets of my Chicago neighborhood. I’d grown tired of the bitter Winter. It tore down all the leaves and swallowed up the sun. As a California native, I didn’t particularly enjoy living at nature’s mercy, but now I surely admired its tenacity. It wasn’t a side of her I experienced much during my sunny upbringing.
I figure that longing for comfort is why I felt the pull to leave for a bit. I blamed the weather for my dissatisfaction with life in Chicago. And now in Mexico, I wonder when the noise will cease.
I am not one to rush to conclusions. I’m an INFP — introspective and emotional beyond belief, which is why I hesitate on acting out of impulse. I’m coincidentally also an Aries that has fallen victim to my haste decisions many times.
I anticipated to quit my job(s) a month before this trip because the thought of working another day in food service after my return home made my stomach sink and my back ache. Every time I plastered a smile on my face for co-workers and customers, I felt further and further from myself.
I couldn’t shake the feeling I was wasting an opportunity for self-expansion. So once again, I gathered the courage and self-assuredness to leave it all to the Universe, God, destiny.
I suppose this is the part where I sit in the comfort of my temporary Mexico home and bask in the uncertainty. There is a felt egoic struggle when we must release all expectations of what is to come. Our minds try to make sense of what is perceived to be a threat. Though one can’t see its final form, deep down we know there is a purpose to our trajectory since there is a catalyzing motive. A pull. A feeling that won’t leave until we act.
Newton’s third law states every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Chaos always reforms back into order.
As a small cog in the grand scheme, I simply wonder what the noise will morph into by the time I return home, what insights I will carry back with me…
Reader: What noise are you wading through in life?
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