Self-Compassion is Not Laissez-Faire

It’s the complete opposite

Sieran Lane
Published in
8 min readFeb 24, 2022

--

A happy, smiling woman with long brown hair embraces her cat.
Photo courtesy of Krakenimages.com on DepositPhotos

“Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Quit crying and do something to solve the problem instead!”

I’m sure you’ve heard of such words before. Some people who say these things mean well, believing that you’re stuck in a rut and just need to get a grip and climb back up. Unfortunately, people with this tough-love attitude, would also believe that self-compassion is just some wishy-washy, weak, and laissez-faire crap.

But no. They’ve got it all wrong. Self-compassion is the opposite of laissez-faire. I’ll show you how.

Self-compassion encourages you to face troubling, discomforting emotions, rather than running away from them

Some people believe that we have no time for emotions, that reflecting on our feelings is a waste of energy. They think that we ought to suppress our tears, not complain, and just get back to work. Some think that sadness, fear, and even guilt and shame, are signs of weakness.

My parents have repeatedly told me not to cry, to tone myself down. But stifling my feelings only made me feel worse. My parents grew up in a world where you had to swallow your sadness and anger to get along with others and survive. But in the long…

--

--

Sieran Lane
The Orange Journal

A queer trans writer and therapist. I help fiction writers complete their novels. Let's connect! https://sieranlane.ghost.io