Self-Care

The Death of Intimacy

A personal essay on marriage

Modern society tells us to take care of ourselves. Self-care is everywhere, from fashion magazines to Instagram feeds. There are endless ideas for DIY self-care kits aimed at helping us drink more tea, journal each day, and take long relaxing baths accompanied with all the accouterments on a hand-carved wooden tray.

There are many meditation and mindfulness apps and new books each week about the power of Self. In 2020, “self-care” peaked as a Google Trend, doubling in interest since 2014. All of this, of course, is guided to help us through anxiety, depression, and unending stress.

I am not against embracing the power of Self. I have my daily routine, which I named the “Perfect Morning.” It reminds me to exercise, practice gratitude, drink water, write, and take in my favorite podcast episode, all before my family wakes up. You can’t improve unless you put in the work; I agree with that.

Self-care is good, but there is a converging line where self-care can become too self-obsessed. Yes, I know the oxygen mask analogy. When an airplane experiences a sudden pressure loss…