The Four “Ds” You Need to Fix a Sucky Situation
They’ll set you on a better path almost instantly
You’ve hit your mid-…20s, 30s, 40s…it doesn’t really matter. You feel stuck and completely out of control of your own life. You need to move. Now.
But how? I mean, stuck is stuck, right? Well, here are four things that need to happen like yesterday to get you out of this jam.
Directly confront where you are
Remember when you were a kid and you knew you were in trouble?
Maybe you took the long way home from the bus stop because you knew that phone call from school beat you to the house.
Maybe you hid under the bed when you heard Dad’s car in the driveway.
Maybe now you’re not checking the mail daily anymore because you know the bills are in it. Collection notices. Divorce papers.
Just as when you were a kid, the longer you avoid the inevitable, the worse it will be when you finally face it. So stop delaying and face it now. NOW. No matter how long you wait, it’s still going to be a thing when it gets to where you just can’t wait anymore.
Bad news never gets better with time, and bad circumstances never just fix themselves.
You’ll be amazed at how much better you will feel once you get through the suck. But you can’t do that until you start the unpleasant journey through it.
Decide where you want to be
There is no winning a passive battle.
What is the desired end-state of where you currently are? What does life look like in your head when it’s awesome?
You have to have a finish line to cross if there is ever to be an end to the journey you’re on.
Yeah, you have to focus on the present, but the present has to give way at some point to a future, and that requires vision. One way to minimize the devastating effects of a sucky Right Now is to envision a much more rewarding Later On.
What do you want to be then that you are not now? How much money do you want to have saved that you don’t even have right now? What does your income and debt picture look like in three, five, 10 years?
The race you’re currently in will seem endless and aimless if there is not finish line to shoot for.
Delineate the steps to get from here to there
Where you are is where you are. You’ve confronted that and clearly defined it. Where you want to be is the goal, and you’ve also defined that.
How you get there is the plan.
I asked a friend once what their plan was for life. The answer was, “I want to be a chef.”
“Ok,” I asked. “But what is your plan?”
“I just told you,” they replied. “I’m going to be a chef.”
They were stuck in step number two on this list when I was trying to introduce them to step number three. It took a good while to move them off of the end of the rainbow and onto the journey it would take to get there.
If you are broke and you want to have money, you can’t just get money. If you hate your job and you want a better one, you don’t just go to the job vending machine and push a button.
If you’re in a horrible relationship and want to be happy with someone, you don’t just decide it will be better and then wake up the next morning to a fairy tale existence.
Everything takes work. Especially when you’re playing from behind to try to get ahead.
If you have tons of bad debt, you have to go over your finances and figure out why you aren’t able to pay your bills. Cut out the unnecessary expenditures. Budget your money intelligently.
Enlist a financial advisor. Take out a consolidation loan you can afford. Set principles in place to keep you from swirling that same drain again. Maybe file for bankruptcy if your only hope is a complete reset button.
If you’re in a bad relationship, that takes some deep thinking, bold decision making, and commitment to your wellbeing too.
Solutions rarely ever just fall out of the sky when you least expect it. Fixing bad takes intentionality. Work. Commitment.
Depend on others
Hang with me on this one. I’m not suggesting you expect others to fix your issues. I’m not advocating giving up your individual responsibility to work your way from bad to good to other people.
I’m pointing out that others have been through what you’re going through, and their wisdom could be valuable.
There are more likely than not people who care about you, regardless of what you’re going through. They may not be the solution to your problem, but they could certainly be a resource if you approach them in the right way.
Any time I’ve struggled in life, I’ve been pleasantly surprised at the number of people who cared enough to listen to what I was going through and offer advice.
They didn’t necessarily offer me a get-out-of-jail-free card, but they didn’t just leave me to twist in the wind either.
Other people will almost never just fix your life for you — nor should they. But you might be surprised at their willingness to walk with you through your journey.
If you are cultivating your relationships in a responsible and reciprocal way, then those who care about you will be there for you no matter what.
Oh, and don’t forget to be there for others when they are struggling too. I don’t give people permission to just use me when they need a lifeline, but I’m not afraid to walk with people either.
We can’t necessarily fix each other’s issues, but it sure emboldens us to know that we are not alone.
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