Toxic Masculinity From a Male Perspective
Are men really happier than women?
I’m not writing this article because I want to and I wasn’t planning on returning here to write and publish anytime soon. So, thanks to a certain video on YouTube I felt compelled to say something out of concern and frustration! If you love my work, you’re very welcome for the treat you are about to receive which I never meant to give because I’m still on hiatus.
Wrong evidence to justify men being happier than women
Today, I randomly came across a certain fella’s YouTube video discussing 3 reasons why men are happier than women today. I’ll post the video a little later. To his defence for his standpoint, he says:
“There are studies that report 1 in 4 women are on antidepressants compared to only 1 in 10 men.”
Whether this is true or not, that’s besides the point, but let’s say it’s true for argument’s sake.
This YouTube guy forgot to mention the stigma attached to mental illness among men which may explain the reason for the possibly uneven rates of men seeking professional help for mental health issues compared to women.
This, in turn, may explain why there’s less consumption of antidepressants among men compared to women.
With that being said, do you think he made a strong and valid point for women being unhappier than men in the modern world when he justified it with the study results of uneven antidepressant consumption between men and women? To me, his argument sounded very weak and I’ve already told you why.
Like I said, he didn’t even touch on the stigmatized mental health issues among men and how this stigmatization perpetuate their mental health misconceptions (i.e. “men don’t cry”), ultimately triggering suicidal thoughts and attempts among men.
Why else do you think more men commit suicide than women? Talking about ignorance!
Here’s where it gets interesting.
Toxic masculinity at its best
His reason number 2 for men being happier than women is, “the more they accomplish, the less desirable they become.” Everything he said after these words screamed toxic masculinity to me and I’ll tell you why.
This guy was saying that the more successful and wealthy women become, the more unhappy and miserable they become because men find them less desirable. Is this really the case or is it insecurity among men?
He even claims in his video that men don’t care about a woman’s accomplishments when it comes to attraction. So, why do they find successful women less desirable if not threatened by their success?
There is a fine line between being indifferent towards someone’s accomplishments and being threatened by them.
He also mentioned that rich and accomplished women are more likely to be cheated on because men can’t stand them since they radiate a masculine energy which is how they climbed up the corporate ladder.
While it may be true that climbing up the corporate ladder requires a form of masculine energy, why can’t a successful woman be feminine without being classified as man-like?
If you as a man feel the urge to cheat on your boss-lady wife with an average or below-average woman who does whatever you want her to do with no questions asked, do you think your wife is the problem or you are? I’d say look in the mirror for the answer.
Infidelity has never been masculine. It’s a sign of insecurity.
Ever watched the movie Crazy Rich Asians? If you haven’t, I highly recommend it and when you watch it, carefully observe the characters of Astrid Leong-Teo and Michael Teo. See what the marriage of a woman more successful than her husband typically looks like.
According to this YouTube guy, when a woman climbs up the corporate ladder and makes more money, she raises up her standards when it comes to her potential suitors, only to find herself alone and miserable.
He further continues to say that men don’t like such women because they act like men. All men want is a submissive, feminine, and lady-like woman.
Why can’t a woman be successful and feminine at the same time? Why is being rich and accomplished as a woman considered as masculine?
This guy was right when he said that it does take some form of masculine energy to climb up the corporate ladder, but does this completely take away the femininity from these women?
From the video, this guy also said that men want women who are below them when it comes to money, social hierarchy, and corporate ladder as this gives them power over women.
He made an example of a male CEO with a female secretary who does as he instructs with no questions asked. He continued to say this dynamic is important for the male and female attraction. Maybe for him, but not for me.
It’s like he was saying that women are supposed to shrink themselves and not dream, aspire, and achieve big, otherwise they would end up alone and miserable.
Women climb up the corporate ladder because they want to prove to men that they too can be just as successful and accomplished in a man’s world. Ladies, is this true or is it BS?
He literally said that a woman’s value and worth revolves around a man’s attention, approval and validation. It’s what they live for. While we all want to have someone to share our lives with, to say that women become successful to impress men is pure nonsense!
I mean, what kind of person still thinks like this in 2022? It’s freakin’ 2022 for crying out loud, not 1945!
This, to me, does not define masculinity and it screams a weak-ass man who can’t handle a successful and accomplished woman! If arrogance and condescendence is what chases them away, then I’d understand.
I also would walk away from someone who reminds me every chance she gets that she wears the money pants and uses that to belittle me.
I bet this YouTube guy went through a horrible breakup or divorce as we speak. There’s no way someone who thinks of women the way he does is in a healthy relationship or marriage. No way!
I’m afraid the toxic masculinity ideology he’s spreading is already polluting the minds of a bunch of men out there who classify themselves as “high-value men” instead of admitting their loneliness and self-esteem issues.
You should see the comments in the video I’m going to post shortly. They are filled with sadness, ignorance, and denial masked by toxic masculinity. No disrespect intended. Just pure and genuine concern for these men.
What does masculinity mean to me?
I believe that men should play their role of loving and taking good care of their women and supporting them in whatever that they do or decide to do with their life. This has nothing to do with being a dictator to women.
Those “I-don’t-need-no-man-to-take-care-of-me” type of women should simply just remain single and continue taking care of themselves. Period. There’s nothing wrong with that. You do you boss lady!
What does femininity mean to me?
I also believe that women can also play their role of respecting their men, supporting them and submitting to them. By submission, I don’t mean being his bitch and playing dumb and not call him out on his shit. I mean respecting him and giving him his place as a man.
It’s all about creating a healthy balance between masculinity and femininity, not the nonsense this guy spat on the video below. He’s making us all men look bad and weak!
Rethinking masculinity
I talk about women respecting their men, but make no mistake as a man to assume that you are entitled to that respect just because you are a man.
Never demand respect from a woman. Earn it by becoming the man worthy of her respect. Become the man worth submitting to. That is what women want!
Not every successful and accomplished woman out there has time to be nursing a man’s insecurities and fragile ego. This does not make her any less feminine.
Rethinking femininity
Unlike these other men, I know for a fact that I wouldn’t start a relationship with a woman without the mind, personality, goals, and aspirations of her own.
I mean, where’s the fun in being in a relationship with someone overly agreeable and extra obedient? I ain’t finna date no robot! For a half-ass man, this is the ideal partner, but even for him I’m sure he would eventually get bored of this woman.
I’m not saying that I’m attracted to someone stubborn, condescending, and arrogant because I’m not. No one is.
Be successful and confident but also respect me, be down to earth, and do not be afraid to challenge me and call me out on my shit when I’m wrong.
Let’s talk Pete Davidson
Please don’t bite my head off for how I’m about to describe him.
I know him as the normal or average-looking guy who’s dated some of Hollywood’s most powerful and successful women, including Ariana Grande and Kim K. I’m talkin’ the 15/10, “out-of-my-league” type of women with massive fanbase, influence, and social status, but they’ve both dated this dude despite being more powerful than him.
What is it about him that attracted these women to him?
I don’t know the answer, but what I have observed is that he is truly a confident man who’s highly comfortable in his own skin. He is not a conformist in a sense that he tends to go for powerful women that society typically classifies as “out of his league.” He ain’t threatened by anyone’s accomplishments and social status.
He is the epitome of a masculine man and this is what attracted him to the likes of Ariana and Kim. I think.
Pete is the proof that the video I posted above is nothing but shit!
Men are just as miserable as women
I may have to agree with this YouTube fella on one other thing; that some highly successful women are not happy, but our reasons differ.
Mine is that these weak-ass men can’t handle a woman who’s more successful than them. They accuse her of being man-like or masculine or some shit like that instead of admitting that they are threatened by her.
That’s why a successful woman may often not end up with her dream guy because he may be too much of a coward and insecure to handle her, but sometimes arrogance and condescendence may also chase men away.
This is not to say every successful woman is arrogant and condescending.
Once again, why can’t a woman be successful and feminine at the same time?
Like I said earlier, these guys also claim that the more successful women become, the higher they raise their standards for their potential suitors. As a consequence, these women end up alone and unhappy because men want nothing to do with them.
If there’s any truth in this, please let me know in the comments.
It’s not just women. Men are just as unhappy and miserable, especially the single ones who can’t get the women of their dreams because they are threatened by them, regardless of the respect they may receive from these women. That’s why they often settle for average or below average women they don’t even love. Isn’t that sad?
They don’t have the balls of Pete Davidson.
Katie Jgln, I’m kind of wondering what are your thoughts on this topic? I know this kind of stuff is often your poison to write about. I’m also aware that you are big on Social Science and you like to challenge the status quo. That’s what made me a fan of your work from the first place.
Conclusion
I don’t think men are happier than women. I think both are just as unhappy and will continue to be, unless men start rethinking the whole meaning of masculinity and women start embracing their femininity without shrinking themselves to fit in to any man’s world.
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