What Does It Even Mean To Let Go?
I learnt it the easy way
I live on a severely thin line when it comes to letting go.
I let go easily or create a premium 4bhk apartment for my bothered thoughts to reside.
I let go like a pro. Like nothing ever happened, like it never kept me up for nights, like I never cried on my pillow and like I never felt alone in a party full of people, but when in reality, I did.
I let go as though I am in denial of the truth, like I am forgiving those who never even felt sorry.
In fact, I realize I let go way too much.
Rest of the days, I am disturbed or crawling into my shell, or replaying situations, things people said and brew those thoughts over and over. This is a 72 to 120-hour long process of hurt-digestion. Can be broken down to 3 to 5 days of extreme unease.
Recently, I had a revelation that neither is normal.
The first one is ignorance while the other is humiliation.
But both have led me to be angry at myself. If I get hurt, why am I letting people get away with it? And why am I bringing the thoughts home to analyze and over analyze; as though it were a big math problem.
Hmm.. more analyzing, but with chocolate ice cream!
It is a curse that the more you understand the world, the more you get hurt.
And suddenly “ignorance is bliss” starts to make sense.
Now a lot of my precious years have sailed though this turbulence, so I decide to do get my act together.
Here is what I do.
I decide to heal.
Step 1: I acknowledge what has happened, what I have allowed to happen to me, how I have let people treat me.
Step 2: I decide to be alert. I realize I have a well-functioning brain that runs monologues when faced with stupid people. Only now, the mono has changed to a dia-logue. I am questioning, standing up for myself and nudging my brain for some presence of mind.
Step 3: I am answering back, politely though. With a smile.
Step 4: My system is not bursting with pent up anxiety because I have stood my ground.
Now, I, can, let go.
I have been reading about spirituality and I found that thought is energy. A stored thought can actually create a block in the body. In heart, it can lead to heart blockages, while in throat it can lead to thyroid and anger can manifest into carcinogenic tumors.
The point is not only to save oneself from life-threatening diseases, it is to really look in the eye of the what is bothering you and consciously decide to let go.
I believe, everyone’s “let go” is different. For some, it can be forgiving others, for some, it can be an understanding that the other has some issue they cannot deal with. For some, it can be fighting back, showing who is the boss while for some, it can be writing or painting it away or perhaps sipping a cup of coffee…
However, no letting go should be an escape.
I learnt it the easy way!
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