Networking for People Who Don’t Talk Good.
Contrary to popular belief, I do not like networking. As a thinking-social introvert, I find the idea of walking into a giant room with my own objectives burdensome and carrying small talk entirely painful. It’s not that I don’t care about you, I’m simply not interested in the whole song and dance of asking about how busy you’ve been or how you’ve been dealing with the dreadful weather, especially if you’re coming to talk to me for a specific reason (and vice versa). Some people love doing that. That’s great. I do not.
Surprisingly enough, even with my strong resistance to the art of mingling, I have met a significant number of terrific people through my travels that I call my mentors, associates, and yes — even friends. These are people that I turn to when I need a favour, a referral, or advice. These are not people that are there to help you with quick fixes. If you’re looking to build a long term network of valuable people you can rely on, the following are my four pillars of which I personally lean on to build my network.
1. Look for Chemistry
This is no different than dating. I find a lot of truth in the idiom that we are who we spend our time with. Naturally, I find myself having deeper, more meaningful conversations with those who share the same work ethics, beliefs, interests, and weird humour as me. If you’re a Canucks fan, we’ll probably kick it off more than someone who exclusively watches the Blue Jays. And that’s nothing against baseball — there’s different strokes for different folks. Building a network of people you generally get along with will make all the other things on this list that much easier. As a side note, I am also an advocate of #dontworkwithjerks.
2. Give More Than You Take
Nobody likes the guy who asks you for a ‘hookup’ every-time you see them. Reversely, everyone loves someone who tries to be super helpful — and who doesn’t love being loved? Just ask Raymond. I’ve found myself much more comfortable helping others than asking for help. If any part of this is supposed to be the ‘secret sauce’, this is it: in every conversation, find out what they are looking for and if you can help in any way, do it. Follow up with them on Messenger or LinkedIn or WeChat. Connect them with the supplier who happens to be your buddy’s dad. Send them a presale link for the next set of Kayne tickets. Make them feel like they owe you one. My friend and mentor at Launch Academy, Alex sets aside a small budget each month for buying coffee for others. He literally invests his time and money in people.
Yes, there are plenty of moral reasons full of lovey-dovey goodness on why you should help others, but even if you’re coming from a self serving business perspective, the math still adds up. You are trying to build something much bigger than a quick gimme, and that requires genuine care, nurturing, and effort.
3. Look Long Term
There’s nothing that irks me more than someone who looks at the title of someone else and then changes their demeanour. Someone who you don’t deem ‘valuable’ today isn’t reason to treat them any different. They will switch jobs. They have superiors. They have people under them. Which is why I put #1 on this list way above the position they currently hold at their job.
There’s no greater example to this than how I met Ray. When I met Ray, he wasn’t the CEO of Launch Academy or a 40 under 40 winner. He was a lone entrepreneur working on a fashion startup with questionable fashion sense (he did have a pair of Jordans, I’ll give him that). If I had a bigger ego, I could have dismissed him almost as easily as he could have dismissed me — a young know-nothing kid who, in all honesty had no business hanging out with smart tech entrepreneurs day in and day out. But he looked beyond my inexperience and treated me like someone of value, and for that I’ll always be thankful. And not to put words in his mouth, but I like to think that he benefitted a little bit from our relationship as well.
4.Don’t be Afraid to Ask
This last pillar may seem obvious to some, but it is by far the one I struggle with the most. I’ve gotten so comfortable with having a give first mentality that I often don’t realize (or admit) that I too sometimes need help. I’ve mentioned networking with people that are like-minded, and having a ‘give first’ mindset. That means that the people in your network should also love giving — so don’t be afraid to give them opportunities to do so. You’ll be surprised with how much they can offer, and even more surprised by how willing they are to help.
I’ll wrap this up by encouraging you to feel free to reach out to me if you need anything, just #dontbeajerk.
