The politics of travel companionship and conflict.

Disclaimer: This blog is a work of fiction, based 100% on real life events and experiences. The images in this blog are taken completely out of context and are of real people who did not give their permission to be published.

I’ve lost count of the times people have told me with expert authority something along the lines of; “travelling with someone is the true test of a relationship”, or “you never truly know someone until you travel with them”.

It’s true that aspects of travel such as language barriers, crazy temperatures, managing money, getting lost, food poisoning and generally organising stuff can be stressful, but the reason people travel in the first place is to get outside your comfort zone. If something is too easy, it’s less fun… normally.

While travelling definitely exacerbates these pressures, they are also present in everyday life (have you tried organising a birthday party? Or getting to work on time, on Monday morning?). Therefore, the way to overcome them when travelling is exactly the same way you dealt with them before, largely exercise some patience and tolerance.

Travel companionship

When you first start travelling with somebody everything is groovy. The excitement of travelling and being somewhere new overwhelms any issues or speedbumps that might pop up. This is called the honeymoon period.

You exercise patience and tolerance and feel good about yourself for being such a good person. But you’re not, and deep down you know what we all know - it’s not going to last. It might start with little niggles, annoyances, frustrations. Why did they do that? What was that all about? Pretty soon things those little speedbumps and potholes that you were so tolerant and patient about are becoming major roadworks and detours that are starting to really piss you off.

The honeymoon period is truly over and you have slid unwittingly into…

Travel conflict

Travel conflict is all about personalities and almost always falls into two categories; control/ power struggles and/or personal space issues.

The first is straightforward – conflict arises from one (or a group) of people dominating others, organising things without consultation and privileging their desires over those of others.

I have found two different methods effective when negotiating power struggles: The Communist Method - make a list of what each person wants to do and devote equal time to individuals interests, or, The Democratic Method - designate a leader for a specific time period (eg. one day), change leadership regularly and equally and then delegate control.

Image: SKALDA.NET

The communist method results in everyone’s desires being addressed, though since you have to share leadership and time can be limited when travelling, you might not get to do everything you wanted to. The democratic method also results in surrendering control for those days when you don’t get to be the dictator, but not having to organise anything or make decision during this time can be liberating.

The second category, personal space, is even more simple. The more time you spend with anybody increases the opportunities for that person to piss you off. This is a universal truth of all human interaction. It doesn’t matter if it’s your soulmate, your mother or your best mate/girlfriend. If you put two people in a close proximity for an extended period (like an aeroplane for 30+ hours, and/or stuck in a tent in the rain, and/or a car for a roadtrip, and/or in a dorm room, and/or …. (insert your own situation here)…. eventually, there will be blood. You can exercise all the tolerance and patience you have, but it we all know it WILL happen at some point.

Image: guyandrodd

Personal space is a necessary and individual part of human nature and this is the key to making friendships and relationships work and continue to grow while travelling. It is essential for each person to have space, to have your own time, away from others, to follow your own desires and do your own thing, alone. To maintain a healthy amount of personal space it is important to not let the fear of being alone in a strange place force you into constant companionship. Take a walk by yourself every now and then.

During 'alone' time no one can hear you cry

Some of the best travel experiences and connections I have experienced tend to happen when you are by yourself. This is down to simple physics; if you are alone, somewhere you know nobody, eventually, you will be forced to interact with a stranger – even just to purchase something or ask for directions. This experience will be unique, different and brand new, and wasn’t that the reason you went travelling in the first place?