American But Hyphenated

Critical Reflection #2

What?: Shame is an intense feeling that tells us that there is something wrong or in need of fixing in order to be loved and accepted. Therefore, we make the connection that we must then change or alter that which we feel shame about so we can get that security and happiness we so deeply desire. In the short reading, Sabrina Needs Her Identity Back, by Peter Orner, we follow a young woman named Lorena who is struggling with her identity as a Latina and/or Chicana. She explains to the reader her discomfort and perhaps even her hesitancy to associate herself with one or the other, because of the history behind these terms. In the second short reading, Desde Entonces, Soy Chicana, by Angela Valenzuela, Nelda is an 11th-grade student who illustrates her understanding of what it means to be Mexican-American and/or Chicana, and what she personally identifies with and why.

A pattern in both of the young women’s stories, were the influential lessons they learned at school that allowed them to see that, “The educational process to files to promote bilingualism, biculturalism, and bi-literacy. [were] more about subtracting than adding these competencies, and in doing so compromises the achievement of immigrant and nonimmigrant youth alike” (Valenzuela, pg. 178). This direct stigma and undermining of Mexican American children and young adults dates back to colonial times when European Spaniards conquered many Spanish territories through war, colonization, and annexation. The story of Lorena and Nelda illustrate the way of thinking back then when many white parents were determined to keep “Mexican” children out the American schools, even if they were third generation Mexican American who were U.S. citizens.

So What?: One of my favorite quotes from Pat Mora’s poem, Legal Alien, is “American but hyphenated, viewed by Anglos as perhaps exotic, perhaps inferior, definitely different.” This quote beautifully explains the sliding back and forth between proving yourself to Americans that you’re American enough, and proving to Mexicans that you’re Mexican enough. In both worlds, one is trying to smile while masking the discomfort of being pre-judged.

I believe Lorena understood this feeling because even though she did not “Have very many tools to defend [herself] with, [she knew]that knowledge [was] the only thing [she could arm herself] with” (Orner, pg. 202). For Nelda, she started by learning about her history. She would read the books that were passed down to her from her mother’s work, and would educate herself through these texts that narrated the historical perspective of the taking of southwestern lands formerly owned by the Mexican government. It is here where she tells Valenzuela, “Desde entonces, soy Chicana” (Valenzuela, pg.181). It is here where the shame, the confusion, and the discomfort stops. Once Nelda is able to articulate out loud who she truly identifies herself with, is when the walls of “The disaffirmation of the self and of the family’s social identity” (Valenzuela, pg.179), is broken.

Both women grapple with the fear of self-identity because certain groups of people have already concluded who they are based on their looks and the way they talk, while they themselves, are still trying to figure it all out. The readings reinforced the idea of how society still creates a false conception of what it means to “me,” “we,” “us;” because we as a society are afraid of the unknown. Thus, we treat the people who interrupt the “normalcy,” as secondary or non-persons because being anything else creates disgust and fear.

Now What?: Shame is power. Shame is destruction. Shame is hidden. Shame is universal. Many live with some sort of shame but what one has to learn and put into practice is that maybe being “good” is not about getting rid of anything. Maybe good has to do with living in the mess, “Even if it means deliberately exploring distinct challenges [one] can expect to face as a bicultural [person-one] can develop an enhanced sense of efficacy and personal control over their futures and reap immense psychic, social, emotional, and academic benefits” (Valenzuela, pg.182). From a young age I was taught to know the difference between right and wrong. I was told to behave a certain way when company was around or when I went out in public. My parents taught me this. However, they did not realize that society was the master and we were its puppets. Society has ingrained in our minds that we must act a certain way, look a certain way, and think a certain way in order to be accepted by society. We are told be act “normal.” But then who or what is abnormal?

If being abnormal is too weak, too poor, too feminine, too masculine, too strong, too rich, too fat, too thin, too disabled, then I will stick to that. Because when we assert the word “normal” into the young minds of boys and girls, we create a false conception of what it means to be human. We have frozen individuality. Lorena and Nelda? Well they were a part of the unevenness and ignorance of what life brings. However, they pushed back. They redefined what it means to be Mexican-American, Chicana, Latina, and a human living in the United States because in the end, we are all of us.