Building a Relationship Between Equals

Critical Reflection #5

What? From the recent heavy rains and flooding in the Bay Area, my home, the city of San Jose, was particularly one of the many places affected. Families from three neighborhoods engulfed by the disastrous flood were forced to evacuate; other than their safety, another stressor for many was repairing the damages after the storm. Thankfully, Kieu Hoang, a Vietnamese-American billionaire, donated $5 million to the San Jose flood victims — a gift that would hopefully give comfort and hope to these families. After reading the article written by The Mercury News about this, another reader comments, “Wonderful story but really highlights the arrogance of the immensely wealthy in Silicon Valley, when something like this happens you would think there would be hundreds of people writing 6 figure checks, people that can well afford it. If it does not impact them, they don’t care.” It is true that to be able to live in peace and love in the world that we live in today that is full of chaos, prejudice, and hatred, we must all work together to rise above the negatives. However, even finding something that is genuine and sincere is hard nowadays because of some people’s reasoning behind helping others that may be malicious or selfish. What I have realized is that many people will take time out of their days to do something “good” only if there is something in return for them.

“Helping and fixing” are different from serving. In the article “Helping, Fixing or Serving?” author Rachel Naomi Remen explains, “Helping, fixing and serving represent three different ways of seeing life. When you help, you see life as weak. When you fix, you see life as broken. When you serve, you see life as whole. Fixing and helping may be the work of the ego, and service the work of the soul” (Remen). Helping and fixing create distance between one person and the other people, where one appears more superior than the rest. When serving, we are serving from experience, not our strength. This is exactly what Ivan Illich was trying to explain in his article “To Hell with Good Intentions,” in which he expresses his dismay about the U.S. volunteers who pride themselves in “doing good” for Latin America, and believing that they are sacrificing to help others when they do not even understand what they are doing. Illich pleads with Americans not to come to Mexico to help because “The idea that every American has something to give, and at all times may, can and should give it, explains why it occurred to students that they could help Mexican peasants ‘develop’ by spending a few months in their villages,” when they are not fit to be volunteers in the first place. He argues that the differences in culture, education, and lifestyle between the two groups make it that the Americans do not actually know what the people from these Mexican villages need or want, imposing their culture instead of providing international aid.

So What? People every day can make an impact on others, whether it is from a family member, a friend, or even a complete stranger. In the aspect of Service-learning, the relationships I build with the students from Kids Club are important because they are done with the hopes of touching each other’s lives, sharing mutuality. Before reading “Helping, Fixing or Serving?” from another service-learning class last year, I was a bit lost trying to find my role with the students. I did not feel a connection nor was I enjoying what I was doing, until I read a particular quote from this writing that states, “When we serve, our work itself will renew us. In helping, we may find a sense of satisfaction; in serving we find a sense of gratitude,” (Remen). My experience with Kids Club after that, in my opinion, has been an equal sharing of new knowledge, skills, and experience with the first and second grade students I work with. The main objective of Kids Club is to provide support in different aspects of development to the youth of San Rafael’s Canal District.

When I started seeing service as a relationship between equals, I learn from this opportunity as well. I learned how to be a group leader for these students. Handling the youngest group of kids who attend Kids Club, I was informed from the very start that the students may be a handful; however, this experience has taught me how to create a culture of achievement. Other than the obvious like reinforcing good behavior and learning to be a respectful and consistent authority figure, I was taught to make each student feel valued and acknowledge each student’s effort and achievement. I think these factors are important, especially when establishing rapport with them, since we would be working together for almost an entire semester. Academically, I was able to learn more about the educational opportunity gap and why it is important to the students from Kids Club.

Now What? The insights that I gained about the community with whom I served are the challenges each family faces. Their annual earning is also the lowest in Marin County, being one of the wealthiest counties in the entire nation. It is saddening to learn that even though these families want their children to succeed in school, they lack the necessary resources and help with their academic. The insights that I gained about myself while serving is that there is more I could be doing to impact to my community, such as this experience with Kids Club. Before, I was in my own bubble, thinking that issues that do not concern me are things I did not care to look more into. Therefore, I was unaware of the states of living of other people from my area. I became more aware of the situation down in the Canal, and learned that I am no different from these people because I come from an immigrant family who originated from the Philippines. I was able to relate my own family’s struggles coming into a new country and familiarizing themselves with the new language, while trying to make a living with not much money or assistance. It has helped me connect more with the kids I worked with because I found a common ground. In Jose Calderon’s essay “Perspective-Taking as a Tool for Building Democratic Societies,” he says, “By learning to respect each other’s perspectives and by pursuing specific outcomes that benefit both campus constituents and workers, students and workers have developed a genuine trust over the years,” (Calderon). Learning about the students and putting myself in their shoes made me realize that we are no different. Respecting our differences and pursuing a common goal, such as closing the achievement gap, are important to keep in mind for this semester to be a successful one.