We are not here to save or fix you, instead we are here to connect the gap between us.

What? For this critical reflection, the class was asked to examine how “helping and fixing” constructs people who are “helped” as others. Prior to this class, I had this notion that helping and fixing problems for people who were less capable was desirable. However, after the class discussion, I discovered that, “fixing and helping create a distance between people, but we cannot serve at a distance” (Remen,1). Instead one can be of service to those in need in the “other” communities. As Remen said in her article, “Helping, Fixing or Serving,” “when you help, you see life as weak. When you fix, you see life as broken. When you serve, you see life as whole. Fixing and helping may be the work of the ego, and service the work of the soul” (Remen,1). This statement says that when we go to help and fix the “other” problems, we don’t see or respect them as equal. Due to the fact that the helpers still have this superiority and power over those they have chosen to help. In conclusion, if one gives service to the “other” than they will see the “other” for who they truly are and as equals.

In Ivan Illich’s article, “To Hell with Good Intentions,” he discusses why people who volunteer should think twice before entering the “other” environment. His main points in this piece is to educate and discourage American’s from coming to Mexico to help those in needs. Illich believes that one’s good intentions to help people in Mexico are of no use, “you will not help anybody by your good intentions” (Illich, 1). I interpret this statement as that one’s good intentions will not make a lasting impression or change within the “other” community. A good intention will not solve or help the “other” with their problems in the long run, therefore the help from American’s is a waste of time for Mexico. Overall, Illitch’s strongest point is that “it is incredibly unfair for you to impose yourselves on a village where you are so linguistically deaf and dumb that you don’t even understand what you are doing, or what people think of you. And it is profoundly damaging to yourselves when you define something that you want to do as “good,” a “sacrifice” and “help”’ (Illich, 5).

So What? How I understand my role at my community partner, Young Moms Marin, is that I provide service to the moms by watching their children. By me providing this service to the moms, it allows them the opportunity to attend therapy sessions to discover their root causes as to why they are a part of the “other” discourse. My role at this community service partner site is more on the helper side. I say this because, I am helping the moms with their children rather than getting to know the mothers as a whole. However, with that being said I also can see how my role is service to this group. Although, I don’t get to interact as much with the moms, I see all of them as equal. Every time I am with this group, I make it an effort to see the moms as individuals, instead of their discourse as the “other.” I agree with Remen when she wrote that, “service is a relationship between equals: our service strengthens us as well as others. Fixing and helping are draining, and over time we may burn out, but service is renewing” (Remen, 1) because that is exactly how I feel about this community service. The perception of my role at Young Moms Marin has shaped my interaction with the moms I meet in a positive way. I noticed that each week I find myself connecting with new moms, and getting to know a little bit more about who they are. At times it feels like my hard work serving the moms goes unnoticed, but as Remen said, “All [the] hard work and personal sacrifice suddenly seemed… to be worth it” (Remen, 1).

Now What? In an article entitled, “Perspective Taking” by Jose Calderon, he discusses the importance of being able to understand one’s own experience as well as the experience of the “other.” He states that, “through perspective-taking, we can better comprehend and appreciate each other’s differences in order to find our commonalities” (Calderon, 2). I agree with that statement, because I have discovered that by making “…a commitment to listening to the perspectives of others (134–35)” (Calderon, 2) that I have connected on a more personal and deeper level with at least one of the moms.

At this point in the semester, I have only been able to create some insights about the perspectives of the moms at Young Moms Marin community partner site. I have not had the opportunity to listen to the perspective of all the moms. Although, one insight that I have discovered is that several of the moms in the group purposely got pregnant, because they wanted a baby and having a child would ensure that the father would stick around too. For the second half of the semester, I would like to learn and understand more about the background of these moms. I want to hear from them about who they are and about how they reached this point in their life. I believe that by hearing the mom’s perspective of what happened, I will gain more from this experience. In conclusion, I agree with Calderon when he says that “…students and community members work together to create a better world: one with higher levels of perspective-taking, social engagement, and leadership toward personal and social responsibility” (Calderon, 4).